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2 



IT— July 1, 1920 




CHRISTIE SPECIALS 



AL CHRISTIE 

Who has just begun Production of 

“SO LONG LETTY” 

With an ALL-STAR CAST 



'illlllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIlin 




OUR WIVES — as Cecil B. DeMille Would Have Them 



4 



IT— July 1, 1920 







Publication office: 203-4-5-6-7-8 Thorpe Bldg. 
132 North Broadway 

Telephone: Pico 3404. ...Los Angeles, California 

Edward Roberts Publisher 

Miles Overholt Editor 

Don Lincoln Business Manager 

Entered at the postoffice at Los Angeles, Cali- 
fornia, as second-class matter. Otherwise, it 
is strictly first class. 



Single Copies Ten Cents 

By the year Two-fifty 

Six months One-fifty 



Issued on the First and Fifteenth of every 
month and printed in its own plant. 



The entire contents of this magazine copy- 
righted by the It Publishing Co. 



CALIFORNIA’S JOURNAL OF JOY 



No. 13, Yol. 




Consider the Ostrich! 



To, 



The Retail Dry Goods Merchants Ass’n, and 
The Merchants and Manufacturers Ass’n, 

Los Angeles, Calif. 

And the merchants of the earth weep and mourn 
over her, for no man buyeth their merchandise any 
more. 

A bolslievic wail? 

Far more than that — the words of the first and foremost direct actionist of the Christian Era — 
John the Evangelist — the disciple whom Jesus loved most and never doubted — 

He realized cause and effect and with inspired vision foresaw the fall of Jerusalem — Rome — the 
crumbling of the mighty nations of that day and of this — 



He was hunted, hounded, banished — and in the 
cruder and rougher methods of that age attempts 
were made to suppress him and what he had to 
say— 

There was no business office editorial dicta- 
tion in those days, however, so his prophecy sur- 
vived — 

Somehow or other merchants were no more suc- 
cessful in suppressing the truth then than they are 
now — for John succeeded in adding the following 
to his prophecy and in having it published: 

The merchants of these things, who were 
made rich by her, shall stand afar off for the 
fear of her torment, weeping and mourning. 

For some time past certain members of both 
your organizations have been and still are under 
investigation on charges of profiteering — 

INDICTMENTS IN SOME CASES ARE 
ROTH POSSIBLE AND PROBABLE! 

The United States District Attorney has spent 
much of his time and considerable of the people’s 
money in probing these charges and presenting 
them to the grand jury — 

Federal investigators have gathered a mass of 
data — prominent citizens and their highly paid 
aides have been before the grand jury — 

THESE FACTS CONSTITUTE NEWS MAT- 
TER OF THE HIGHEST IMPORTANCE TO 
THE PEOPLE OF THIS COMMUNITY— 

And you have either deliberately suppressed 
them — or else you have failed in your duty to the 
community in not insisting that the papers give 
full publicity to what is taking place — 

Before this investigation began certain of your 
members so far lost their senses as to attempt to 
suppress the telegraphic stories of price cutting 
in the East — 



A LETTER WAS WRITTEN TO THE 
DAILY PAPERS DEMANDING THAT THEY 
DESIST FROM PUBLISHING ACCOUNTS OF 
PRICE REDUCTIONS! 

And this letter might never have seen the light 
of day had it not been for the fact that you were 
having a controversy with the daily press over a 
new advertising increase that had just been im- 
posed upon you — 

This controversy has now been settled and the 
suppression and pollution and prostitution of our 
news sources is again in your hands — 

WHAT DO YOU INTEND TO DO ABOUT 
THIS GRAND JURY INVESTIGATION? 

Are you going to allow the guiltless members 
of your organization to be under a cloud of public 
suspicion and contempt to protect those who are 
not entitled to such protection ? 

Man’s first known attempt to suppress the 
truth — when Cain killed his brother and tried to 
hide it by asking “Am I My Brother’s Keeper?” — 
failed and almost all like attempts have failed 
utterly ever since — 

How long are you going to continue emulating 
the ostrich? 

How long do you intend to continue hiding 
your heads in the sand? 

These are trying times — you need your brains 
— more than you do your bank accounts and your 
stuffed club ! 

WAKE UP ! 

Amend your by-laws — toss your constitution 
into the sea — try to learn the lesson John taught 
in the collapse of empires — 

Play fifty-fifty with the public that has 
enriched vou ! 

Yours, ' EDWARD ROBERTS, Publisher. 














Special Bulletin 

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STOP, THIEF! 

To the Taxpayers of Los Angeles County : 

There is no money with which to pay our school teachers a fair wage ! 

There is no money with which to give Los Angeles an adequate police force ! 

There is no money to properly pay the heads of our fire department upon whom is dependent our 

lives and our property! 

Yet— " 

YOUR BOARD OF SUPERVISORS HAS JUST APPROPRIATED TEN THOUSAND 
DOLLARS TO EXPLOIT A PRIVATELY-OWNED AND PRIVATELY-OPERATED THE- 
ATRICAL ENTERPRISE IN HOLLYWOOD— THE SO-CALLED PILGRIMAGE PLAY. 

V • 

This money — representing taxes paid by you — is to be expended for the benefit of a private enter- 
prise — in other words, your money is to be used to finance a busifiess institution. 

• 

This is not a free civic enterprise — the highest theater prices are asked for the seats — there is no 
pretense that anybody connected with it is working for the good of any so-called cause — it constitutes 
one of the most flagrant examples of the violation of the people’s rights at the hands of their public 
servants that has ever yet been imposed upon the taxpayers of this community. 

With the taxpayers paying half a dozen different forms of taxes — with new forms of taxation 
being devised every day, we have no money with which to educate our children — no money for police 
protection — not enough money for fire protection, and yet they toss away TEN THOUSAND DOL- 
LARS to advertise — as they will doubtlessly claim — Los Angeles in the East. 

There is still time to stop this thievery of the taxpayers’ money. 

The $10,000 has not yet been paid over, but is likely to be paid almost any day. 

Any taxpayer has the right to bring an action commanding the Board of Supervisors to show 
cause why they should not be restricted from expending this money for this purpose. 

This action must be brought at once. 

This action WILL BE BROUGHT ! 

Meantime, call up your supervisor; tell him what you think of his action; demand that he take 
steps to revoke this appropriation — until, AT LEAST WE HAVE SUFFICIENT FUNDS TO 
PAY OUR SCHOOL TEACHERS AND OUR POLICEMEN AND OUR FIREMEN! THEY 
COME FIRST! 



IT PUBLISHING COMPANY. 



IT— July 1, 1920 



5 




The Nerve Wreckers 

0 I recall tlie gladsome days before tlie trucks supplanted drays, 

And when the ford was but a myth, and life was not a jest; 

1 mind me how a livery team was trained to loaf along and 

dream, 

And silence soothed the jaded nerves and folks could get 
a rest. 

# # * 

Before the cut-out came to town we used to amble up and down 
Without a henry on our nerves to make ’em jump their cogs ; 
O Gosh ! Those were the happy days — behind a team of prancing 
bays 

We used to drive adown the lanes and listen to the frogs. 

* * * 

O I remember how the boys were not so eager for the noise 

That comes with honking flivver horns — a man could loaf in 
peace ; 

The only mufflers then on deck were worn about the rougher 
neck, 

And sounds of revelry by night would bring the bold police. 

'* * # 

A man could go about the land without his life held in his hand, 
And he could walk across the street without a map and 
guide ; 

Why, then the street car didn’t clang — it seems to me it only 
sang — 

And all conductors smiled at you and you enjoyed the ride. 

# # 

The auto surely gummed the game — one time the world was nice 
and tame, 

And folks were calm and friendlv-like— they weren’t on 
the grab ; 

But take a look at them today ; they screech and yelp for extra 

pay, ' ” I 

And all are seekers after jazz — Hey! Bring a taxicab! 



And so it Goes 



The engineer knows how to figure 
out his crossing problems. He puts 
toot and toot together! 

* # # 

To the child with a brilliant step- 
father, the ladder of fame becomes a 
step-ladder ! 

* * # 

A grouch is a poor money-getter. 
You can always raise the dust with a 

gale of laughter! 

* * * 

A near-sighted person cannot even 
see a joke on himself. 

* * * 

A red nose nowadays is a memorial 
monument to the Good Old Days ! 

* * 

A person born with a silver spoon, 
oftens winds up by living on soup ! 

* * * 

Hebrew — but there was no kick in it. 
It teas just Jews. 

* * * 

If I had a red, red nose, 

And you gave me a red, red rose, 

I’d dream of the giver of each of 
them — 

But there’s plenty of roses, gawd- 
knows ! 

# * # 

‘•This,” said the divorce-court judge, 
as the two motion picture players 
preened themselves for tlie witness 
chair — “This looks to me like a vanity 
case !” 

* * * 

Woman wearing bad-luck jeweled 
pendant. Customs officer declared it: 

Wearing a peril! 

* * * 

If streetcar steps were hands, the 
hand would never be quicker than the 
eye ! 

# * # 

I’d rather have the measles and a head- 
ache and a tumor, 

Than be a pessimistic guy without a 
sense of humor! 

# # # 

A man with a fat paunch has a lot to 

look forward to! 

* * * 

With Greece smothering Turkey, the 
fat probably will get into the fire ! 

# * * 

Mr. Earth : The next time you get 

the stomach ache, will you please turn 
over? Inglewood, C. J. C. 

* * # 

Fashion not/s: Purses are shorter 

this year. 



The night, good sir, is always black 
because it expects shortly to go into 
morning ! 

* # # 

Prohibitionists strain at a gnat, but 
they fail to leave a swallow for a camel! 
* * * 

There being no life this side of Tia 
Juana, folks are calling the Mexican 
line the Life Line! 

# * # 

Over at Catalina they’ve discovered 
a vampire fish. They call it a theda- 
barracuda ! 

* * * 

Song for a siren: “Vamp, vamp, 

vamp, the boys are marching !” 

* * * 

A man who is always afraid is usual- 
ly a-frayed ! 



Sugar having taken the place of alco- 
hol, a lot of persons expect to become 
sugar-cured instead of pickled ! 

* * * 

You can kill time without punching 
a time clock — like breaking a time lock, 
for instance! 

# # # 

“Heave-ho !” bellowed the sailor. “I 
didn’t swaller no hoe,” faintly answer- 
ed the seasick passanger. 

* * * 

Merchant laid in a supply of garters. 
“Yes.” he said, “I’m stocking up!” 

* * * 

“We fit your figure,” said the ad, 

“A thing all folks have sought.” 
“You can’t fit mine,” said Mr. Man; 
“The darn thing is a naught!” 




6 



IT — July 1, 1920 



You Tell 'Em- -They Won’t Believe Me. 



Henry Muffins started to school when 
he was five years of age. When the 
teacher asked him if he knew his A-B- 
C’s, Henry is the child who is said to 
have remarked indignantly: ‘‘Hell, no; 
I've only been here five minutes!” 

But Henry was quick to learn, and at 
eleven he decided that he already knew 
more than the teacher, so he left the 
school Hat on its back and went to 
work in an undertaking establishment. 
Here he picked up a great deal of lit- 
erary knowledge through reading the 
sob verse contributed by relatives of 
the deceased and by reading the epi- 
taphs on the tombstones. 

From the undertaking business, 
Henry stepped into a position as a driv- 
er of a truck. It was through his as- 
sociations with the more hardened man- 
ipulators of the truck shift keys that 
Hen grasped his wonderful command of 
the King’s English. 

And then our hero — for it is indeed 
he — began to buy silk shirts and yellow 
striped hose and high grade perfumery 
and to begin to think a great deal about 
himself. So far as Henry could see, 
there wasn’t anybody for miles around 
quite so all-fired smart and intelligent 
and generally brilliant as one Henry 
Muffins. 

So he was now fitted to go out into 
the world and kick a hole in it. 

Hen wanted a permanent position. 
He felt that he was eminently fitted to 
assume charge of most any large es- 
tablishment. and he was not particular, 
he would take a position as manager of 
an automobile factory, a balloon school, 
a city managership or as head of a di- 
vinity school. 

But Fate has other plans for Henry 
Muffins. 

Of late Henry had read half a dozen 
books. True he had to skip the words 
of three or more syllables, but he suc- 
ceeded in getting the meat off the bones 
and be enjoyed the operation first rate. 

Now he felt qualified to engage in 
some literary pursuit. In fact, he was 
rather hectic to get into the writing 
end of the publishing business, some- 
how. 

But here for the first time he was 
foiled in his ambitious endeavors. It 
was really the fault of the bonehead 
publishers who couldn’t quite grasp 
Henry's accomplishments, despite the 
fact that Hen admitted that he was 
good. 

And so it came to pass that in his 
wanderings, our Hero dropped into a 
motion picture studio. He went direct- 
ly to the Great Producer. 

‘•Here,” said Hen, “am I.” 

“Is that so?” politely answered the 
Great Producer. “Then what?” 

“I desire to become affiliated with 



your firm,” said Hen, having learned 
that line by sitting up nights and puzzl- 
ing out the words. 

“What can you do?” asked the Great 
Producer. 

“Anything — anything in the wide 
world,” replied Hen. 

•§»’ — ■■ — ■■ — ”■ — "■ — ■■ — ”■ — ■■ — — ■" — ■” — — ” — ~ — ■■+ 

! A “coming author” submitted a j 
[ story to a motion picture pro- f 
j ducer. j 

He asked $500 for it. i 

The “reader” turned it down. It i 
j did not have “picture material,” ! 
! he said. | 

= The writer sent it to a maga- ] 

! zine ; it was accepted and pub- j 
lished. 

He received $50 for it. 

The motion picture producer 1 
whose “reader” had turned down ! 
che original story offered $5000 for J 
the story and got it. 

The kick: The “reader” was J 
right ! 

i 

— "* 

“Have you ever acted — done carpen- 
ter work — directed — built props — cam- 
era work — painted — or ridden a 
broncho ?” 

“No — but I can do ’em all,” answer- 
ed Henry, brightly. 

“Well, since you have had no experi- 
ence, you’ll have to begin at the bot- 
tom,” said the Great but kind Produc- 
er. “I'll put you to work in the scen- 
ario department. You will become a 
reader and you must give your judg- 
ment of stories written by such writers 
as Irvin Cobb, Mary Roberts Rhinehart, 
Emerson Hough, Rupert Hughes, Pete 
Kyne and a few others.” 

“Just my dish!” exclaimed Henry. 
“Most of them guys are rotten, any- 
way.” 

“Your salary,” went on the Great 
Producer, “will be $18 a week.” 

And to this day Henry Muffins guides 
the destinies of the stories of America’s 
greatest fiction writers and has made 
such a hit with the Great Producer that 
he now receives $25 a week! 



The world’s greatest author had writ- 
ten the world’s greatest book. 

It was extensively advertised. Mil- 
lions of dollars were spent in informing 
the world of the new masterpiece. 

It was a tremendous success. The 
public liked it and read it with great 
avidity. Public libraries could not keep 
enough of the books on hand. 

Then a Whirlwind Producer, first on 
the ground, gobbled it up for the screen. 
He paid a fabulous sum for the picture 



rights; he hired a nationally-famous 
adapter to transcribe the scenes for 
the camera. 

The title of the book was: “Let Us 
Pray.” 

Envious producers and thousands of 
readers of the great novel remarked 
upon the cleverness — the up-to-dateness 
— of the Whirlwind Producer. 

“He is taking advantage of the won- 
derful advertising the great book has 
received,” they said. 

The other day the Whirlwind Pro- 
ducer’s director completed the final 
scenes. The story was fully as excel- 
lent on the screen as it was in book 
form. 

Then came the advertisements of the 
Whirlwind Producer. They read : “See 
Bill Blowliard in ‘Ain’t it Awful, Har- 
riet.” 

The Whirlwind Producer had had 
that title in mind for several months, 
so he slapped it on the great master- 
piece ! 



It isn’t always the fault of the di- 
rector. 

But it’s always something — isn’t it! 

Among the parasites — the joy-killers 
— the reputation smashers of the pic- 
ture profession, there is the Eastern 
smart guy who “doctors” the film after 
it has been completed on the coast. 

At a great number of the studios of 
Los Angeles, the pictures are cut and 
titled and made ready for exhibition — 
by experts. They are just as the direct- 
tor, the cameraman, the cutter and the 
title writer hope they will go through. 

But there is the Eastern office to 
reckon with — the last word to be con- 
sidei’ed. Frequently and too often 
there is in the eastern office a crew of 
boneheads who think the last frontier 
is Yaphank and who have imbided all 
their knowledge from the West by hav- 
ing read J. Fenimore Cooper and 
Alfred Henry Lewis. 

Also their picture producing experi- 
ence has been bounded by a back row in 
a picture theatre, a cutting room, a pair 
of shears and a lead pencil. 

But they must earn their salaries — 
show the boss that they know all about 
pictures. So they cut and slash and re- 
write and change the subtitles and then 
when the picture is once more ready for 
showing, the experts who made it 
wouldn’t recognize it. 

One actual instance of recent occur- 
rence is of interest. 

The director desired to pleasantly 
surprise the audience. He placed a child 
atop a tall building. The child was 
hurling clothespins at pedestrians be- 
low and enjoying himself first rate, but 
Continued on Page 11 



IT— July 1, 1920 



7 



Father Gander Rhymes 



Juba Juba played the tuba; 

Once he took a trip to Cuba — 
He blew all his cash at Cuba, 
And at last he blew his stewba! 

* # # 

A man met a maid 
And he said to she : 

“How much will ya eat 
If ya dine with me?” 

Said she: “Two prunes 
And a couple o’ swallers.” 
“Goodbye,” said he, 

“It’d cost nine dollars.” 




# # # 



I hear this song 
Where’er I go: 

“As soon as I sell 
My scenario.” 

# * # 

A little copper kettle 
And a little copper coil 
Hidden in a little cellar 
Started in one day to boil. 

Then a little copping copper 
Smelt a little copper scent, 

Came and copped the copper kettle — 
Now the copper scent is spent. 




Jiggery, Joggery, Jig, 

I wish I were a pig. 

I’d feel at home with my little 
tray, 

I’d root the other pigs away 
From the trough in a cafeteriay — 
Jiggery, Joggery, Jig. 

# # # 

Geographical H. Two-O 
Knew the very best place to go, 
And that is why 
He was never dry. 



O I climbed up a slippery elm, 

And what I saw! Oh Boy, you tell 
’em ! 

A groceryman a shaking dices 
To see how much he’d raise his 



prices. 




Gosh Darn 
Lived in a barn. 

And went to wreck 
On a horse’s neck! 

* # * 

’Twas on a morning scented sweet 
When I once fared me forth to eat. 
A painful task, I had to bear it — 
They’re selling foodstuff by the 
carat. 

# * * 

Old Bi Jingo sold stale eggs, 

Salted them in wooden kegs, 

Got rich quick and climbed the 
king row — 

Came a U. S. judge and — Bingo! 
Put a reign check on Bi Jingo! 

# * * 

Rickety Rackety Roamoff 
Always blew the foam off. 

Now memories augment his troubles, 
Because he didn’t drink the bubbles ! 

* # # 

Doozer, Dozer, Dazzer, 

Look at the jazzer! 

He’s gotta be a reg’lar slicker 
To drown his woes in mental licker! 

* * # 

A little bird swung on a bough 
And sang a song of sweet content; 
A landlord clubbed it o’er the brow 
Because it wasn’t paying rent. 




There was an old woman on fortune 
bent, 

Who sold devices to beat the rent; 
One was a gun and one was a knife, 
And one was a date with the land- 
lord’s wife. 

* * * 

Home brew ! 

Oh, what do you do? 

You don’t taste like 
They painted you! 

# * # 

Old Cost Price 
Was very nice; 

But Hi, his son, of all bad men — 
Well, Hi was something else again. 
* # # 

A flivver, a flivver, 

A shake and a quiver; 

Violent exercise, 

Good for the liver. 

* * * 

Old Missis Price, a sloven, a slattern, 
Skipped over Jupiter, Venus and 
Saturn ; 

She had no looking-glass, homely 
old creature, 

Fled to the heights so nobody could 
reach ’er. 

* * * 

Cackery, quackery, cluck, 

A chicken and a duck, 

They both were stewed on Sunday 
morn — 

Some folks have all the luck! 




Wottha Deuce and Wottha Dickens 
Spent their time a-chasing chickens ; 

Hear a joke, and like a bullet, 
They would find a hen and pull it. 

# # # 

Red Nose, Red Nose, 

Tell us where your paint grows. 

# * # 

There was a geek from Binkety Bod 
Who’d linger around all day and 
moo ; 

And why did he stand all day and 
moo? 

Because he had nothing else to 
chew ! 




8 



IT— July 1, 1920 





It’s Fourth of July, little boy, little boy, 
It’s Fourth of July, little boy. 

With electric sparklers to light your 

joy. 

And paper caps and a cannon toy — 

It’s Fourth of July, little boy! 

It’s Fourth of July, big man, big man, 
It’s Fourth of July, big man, 

With your hat shoved back, and your 
easy plan 

For one day free from the working, 
span, 

It’s Fourth of July, big man! 

But Fourth of July, little boy, little 
boy, 

And Fourth of July, big man, 

Hasn’t always depended on paper caps 
And the fun there is in holiday nap, 
This Fourth of July of ours! 

For days are but symbols to men and 
to boys, 

Such days as the Fourth of July; 

And there’s justice and truth, and the 
courage to die, 

And a freedom that aims at the blue of 
the sky 

In the soul of a Fourth of July! 

# # # 

The tourist lifted his eyes from the 
blass bottom boat over at Catalina : 
“Wrigley sort of place , isn’t it ?” he re- 
marked. 

* * * 

OUR WEAKLY VERS LIBRE 
Snapooh ! 

Snapeter ! 

Flannanigo sneeter, 

Snapooh! 

* * * 

We note that the Los Angeles River 

has taken to its bed — got a creek in it. 

* * * 

GRATE STUFF 
Why did the coal shute? 

Because the stove wood poker! 

* * * 

Seen in a street car ad: “ Purchase 
but one copy of the same paper each 

day ” But we’ve beaten that game. 

We get up an hour earlier than the 
neighbors and read theirs. 

* * * 

It is easier for the modern parent to 
keep his child in checks than in check. 

* * * 

Rent profiteers last winter told us 
that the rents would fall in the spring ; 
now they are busy reminding us that 
rents will spring in the fall. 



The latest popular song is called “ I 
Don’t Know.” After ice heard the 
words, ice didn’t either. 

* * * 

The editor of an eastern Digest was 
walking down the line of eatables on 
his first visit to a cafeteria. “And this,” 
he exclaimed curiously, “must be the 
table of contents.” 

* * * 

Nowadays it's a compliment to call 
a man a blockhead — lumber costs so 
much more than brains. 

* * * 

And what’s more, history repeats it- 
self even in the matter of lumber rates 
and we take it that we’re entering on 
another “stone age.” 




The small dark spot is 
registering much envy at 
the cool bright one that 
tops his master's dome. 
Can't say as we blame him 
as those "hair-cooled" 
STRAWS from WOOLF & 
BEAN'S HOTEL ALEXANDRIA 
SHOP are just the slickest 
lids that ever afforded 
well-dressed Angelenos 
the chance to "put on the 
dog" and get away with it. 
Many of the best-groomed 
individuals you see 
around town are topping 
off their sartorial glory 
with one of those WOOLF & 
BEAN STRAWS. YOU'LL find 
one there that'll make 
you look and feel like a 
"cool million" ! 



WEST 

cr Woolf* j n Alexandra 





When I was young I dreamed a dream, 
my dear, 

(A dream so sweet, so sweet.) 

I dreamed that all the fickle world, my 
dear, 

Was at my feet, my feet. 

Through wine and roses tripped a 
thought, my dear, 

(Oh, roses red as red as wine) 

For there is all the heart of youth, my 
dear, 

In dreams, in dreams like mine. 

But I have grown and know not 
dreams, my dear, 

(Though they be always, always 
sweet!) 

Better that you than all the world, my 
dear, 

Be at my feet, my feet. 

For roses red are only roses, dear 
(And rose-red wine is only wine) 

But you are flesh and blood and soul, 
my dear, 

And you are mine, are mine ! 

* # # 

It isn’t hard to decide whether to buy 
a home or an automobile. Where can 
you go in a house? 

* * * 

If you want to give the devil his due, 

buy him some Chinese whiskey. 

* * # 

At present, there are three questions 
To which we cannot find answers: 
First, 

Why isn’t a face the same 
On both sides? 

Second, 

Which came first : 

Eyes to see objects, 

Or did objects, evolving, 

Create eyes that they might see 
themselves? 

Third, 

Why doesn’t Mother Earth 
Get wise to all this high cost of 
things 

And get rid of some of us 
Who don’t pay a decent price 
For the room we take up! 

* * * 

Some of us put a ten dollar picture 
in a ten cent frame and others pay ten 

dollars to frame a ten cent picture. 

* * * 

HOW IT STARTED 
When Dewey took Manila Bay, 

(The history says it’s true) 

The Spaniards all looked mighty sick — 
In fact, the Spanish flu! 





IT— July 1, 1920 



9 



The Way of the Movies By Sylvester MacDowell 




New One Million-dollar Comedian 



Just about a year ago a young man, 
by dint of hard work and everlastingly 
sticking at it, climbed into a roped 
arena and in a few moments his years 
of struggle aud sacrifice suddenly paid 
big dividends, for he flattened to the 
floor a giant who stood alone in his 
class as the heavyweight champion of 
the world. And with that flooring 
there came to the young man all the 
emoluments, all the fame, that go with 
such a title. 

By which we learn that to reach the 
top in any profession, it is the fellow 
who grinds ahead steadily, letting noth- 
ing rebuff him, who finally wins out. 

It was not so long ago that Charlie 
Chaplin was hailed as the king of com- 
edy, the “Million Dollar Comedian” and 
so on, and the release of a Chaplin com- 
edy was hailed with great joy by fans 
all over the world. 

Now look — we haven’t had a Chaplin 
comedy for months, and what we have 
had were anything but funny — and sim- 
ply because Charlie has “kidded” him- 
self into having a lot of temperment, 
and WON’T WOKK. 

On the other hand we have Harold 
Lloyd. He started his screen career 
about the same time as Chaplin, but 
while Charlie started off like the well 
known hare in the fable, Lloyd was will- 
ing to take the surer but slower pace of 
the equally well known tortoise. 

The result speaks for itself. For 
Harold Lloyd has just returned to Los 
Angeles from New York with a con- 
tract in his pocket which calls for him 
to make six pictures in a year for the 
Associated Exhibitors for which he will 
receive $1,500,000 in real money, at the 
rate of $250,000 for each negative ! This 
sum is net to the young comedian, the 
cost of production being paid for by the 
releasing organization. 

Charlie Chaplin was to receive $1,- 
000,000 for eight pictures at the rate of 



$125,000 for each negative, BUT he had 
to pay his overhead and cost of produc- 
tion. He has so far made four of these 
pictures and has been nearly three years 
doing it, so it wouldn’t take a lot of 
figuring to show how many thousand 
short of a million Charlie will be at the 
finish of his contract with the First Na- 
tional Exhibitors’ Circuit — if he ever 
finishes it. 

Under the terms of the contract Har- 
old Lloyd, brought back with him, Hal 
Roach, will continue to direct all his 
productions, while Harley M. Walker 
will write titles and assist in the mak- 
ing of stories. 

As Shakespeare says, “If you are an 
employer — whether a Comedy King or 



Your Hair Dyed Right— 

Do not take a chance of ruining 
your hair just because someone 
will do it cheaply. 



Electrical Scalp and Facial Treat- 
ments. Something New. 

MISSION HEALTH and 
BEAUTY SHOPS 

601 Title Guarantee Bldg., 

Around the Corner from 
Broadway 

Phone 67251 



a Dry Goods Gink — you won’t get very 
far if you insist on your employes being 
afraid of you, or if you sit on your 
stage, or at your desk and sulk while 
the light fades.” 

Harold Lloyd doesn’t do either — and 
he has just become the heavyweight 
champion of Comedy, “The Million Dol- 
lar Comedian.” 



Winifred Westover has gone to Swed- 
en. She will appear in several pictures 
while there. 

* * * 

Otis Skinner, accompanied by his 
wife and daughter is domiciled at the 
Beverly Hills Hotel, where he will re- 
side during the filming of Kismet for 
Gasnier. 

* * * 

Wallace Worsley has gone to New 
York where he is to direct Madge Ken- 
nedy in a new picture for Goldwyn. 

* * * 

Rowland Lee, formerly leading man 
with Thos. H. Ince, has been made a di- 
rector and will direct Hobart Bosworth 
in the J. Parker Read, Jr. special pro- 
ductions. 

* * * 

Bert Cann, who has photographed all 
the Douglas MacLean pictures at the 
Ince studios, has been signed up to a 
long-term contract by Mr. Ince and will 
continue as chief cameraman for the 
MacLean company. 

* * * 

Wade Boteler, who was confined to 
the Good Samaritan hospital for a num- 
ber of weeks owing to a broken foot, 
sustained while making scenes in a Fox 
feature, is now able to get around with 

the aid of a cane. 

* # * 

Harry Sherman, who recently kept 
Henry Lehrman busy defending law 
suits, has filed articles of incorporation 
at Dover, Delaware, for a $4,000,000 
producing company to be known as 
Sherman Productions, Inc. 

Dr. T. Floyd Brown, Plastic and 
Cosmetic Surgeon. See page 19. 



IT— July 1, 1920 



10 

Tia Juana and Delilah By Grace wa™ 



Visiting Tin Juana is like having a 
rendezvous with Delilah; she fasci- 
nates, beguiles, intrigues you ; she 
taunts, shames and despoils you — but 
though you may hate her when you 
leave her — she will call to you and you 
will return — unless a reformer catches 
you in the meantime. 

Tia Juana deserves to be (lone in 
free verse or in some smashing, crash- 
ing style of poetry — and I had thought 
of attempting it. I thought of it while 
1 was down there, but the farther I got 
away from the little town, the less 
“freely” did the poetic tendency of 
thought flow. 

Around ten in the morning this 
naughty little town is bleary-eyed and 
haggard. Its seasoned drunkards who 
have slept in some dirty corner go 
staggering forth for the first drink — 
and they are not pretty to look at. 
They feel all their sins creeping over 
them and the spark of the divine which 
is in all of them, urges them to begin 
anew — to cease being “creatures that 
once were men” and to become men 
again. They know the only way to 
start right is with something to cheer 
them up, so they go for it. With their 
fiery eye-opener, begins another perfect 
day and the little spark goes out and 
leaves dead ashes, while they become 
more and more happy and content until 
their brains cease to function and they 
fall off into troubled dreams. 

Along about twelve Jack Johnson 
greets the place with his gold-toothed 
smile. Jack is probably figuring that 
now is the time to take the air and 
sunshine and to smile while the smiling 
is good. The United States is yawning 
for him — yawning being the best little 
thing we do over here. 

Around noon, too, strange creatures 
of a world unknown to most of us come 
tottering out — pallid, weary, nerveless 
— but by the simple procedure of pour- 
ing a few drops of liquor down their 
parched throats they are changed from 
ghastly wrecks to swaggering relics of 
what once were fresh, bright, happy 
youths and maidens. 

From two to four constant streams 
of motor cars pour through the hot 
sand of the river bottom or risk sudden 
calamity on the split-hair bridge which 
spans the dusty stream and connects 
Monte Carlo and the race track on the 
north side of the river with the Casino, 
the curio shop and the tewlve or fifteen 
other cafes, gambling and drinking 
places on the south bank. 

Fluttering out of luxurious cars are 
the fashionable women of Los Angeles 
and San Diego — mostly Los Angeles — 
who tickle their jaded palates with the 
spice of another side of life and who 



jangle their errotic nerves with playing 
roulette or the wheel of fortune. Tia 
Juana for them is another form of 
pleasure as it is for many others who 
seek its exciting influence as a rest from 
their sorrows or emotions or from the 
exacting labors of a nerve-racking week. 



Buried in the sandy bottom of an 1 
j arid river-bed, Tia Juana like an iso- 
1 lated crimson and gold dragon with 
I emerald eyes blinks wickedly and 
| wisely against a background of dull 
! green and purple hills, swimming in 
j yellow sunshine. 

f Hidden away in the quiet valley of 
i the same river, at the base of the sil- 
I ent old mountains that keep stately 
j watch over the changing destinies of this 
! modern Babylon, are the homes of a sim- 
! pie, devout people. 

i Their crude, ugly shacks of adobe flame 
| into burning glory when scarlet garlands 
s of chilis preiodically conceal the rough 
| architecture beneath a solid ruby-colored 
s tapestry. 

In ramshackle buck-boards with wabbly 
= wheels, behind lean, half-fed horses with 
low-swung necks and high hip-bones, the 
j gingham-shirted Mexican in wide som- 
I brero and cheap green trousers accompan- 
ied by his mantilla-covered wife and their 
dozen children responds religiously and 
piously to the clear, sweet call of the Mis- 
sion bells that float across the clean, 
bright air spaces from the quaint little 
town on the edge of the river. 

It was for these simple, kindly, reverent 
people that Tia Juana with its Mission, ? 
j its bull-ring, its family beer saloon and 
I its general store was originally intended. 

T It is for the American that it has even- 
1 tually come to mean an oasis on the bord- 
j er of the richest nation in the world. 

1 The only dry thing about Tia Juana is 
j its river. 

+ + 

At night the various cafes, gambling 
halls and saloons blossom into pande- 
monium and bloom beneath the swing- 
ing lights in a colorful panorama of 
moving humanity, made articulate by 
thick, stammering voices and the rau- 
cous bawls of the croupiers, who shout 
numbers and signs in a jargon of the 
gambling hells from Shanghai to 
Juarez, from Morocco to Mexico City. 

Persons of many nations and many 
walks of life touch elbows and good 
naturedly chaff each other, mellowed by 
Mexican six per cent beer and whiskey 
not bottled in bond. Rank and caste 
are forgotten at midnight in Tia Juana 
— and the socially elect exchange confi- 
dences with the submerged tenth re- 
gardless of class distinction. For the 
moment man and his brother and 
woman and her sister are in truth equal 
— caught in the thrilling tide of the 
gambling fever. 

Sometimes one is seen to grope his 
way out into the darkness with tightly 
clenched fists and an agonized expres- 
sion on his face — a loser of perhaps his 
last $100.00 — but he will rake together 
a few more shekels during the week and 
will be back again by next Saturday to 
try his luck. 

If you are interested in discovering 



how many friends you have who are 
keen on “slumming” parties, just run 
down to the border and listen while 
they explain why they’re there ! 

What is a distance of 145 miles to an 
energetic “slummer”? A mere drink of 
water, so to speak. 

I must confess, however, that it was 
not my friends and acquaintances whom 
I met down there who fascinated me 
with any terrible fascination. 

They are all right in their snug 
quarters at home, but for the first hour 
after their arrival in Mexico, they 
seem strangely out of place and far too 
well groomed. 

As the various parties warm to their 
pleasure, they become less and less stiff 
and formal, however, until finally it is 
amazing to see a young girl carefully 
reared and trained in one of the most 
exclusive seminaries turn pale with 
anxiety as she bets her money at the 
roulette table and watches the wheel 
spin and pause on a losing number. 

There is plenty of “atmosphere” and 
local color in Tia Juana. In fact, one 
may get almost any kind of local color 
one may desire — for from 35c to $1.00 
a drink — depending on where you get 
it and what “poison” you choose. 

Ann Smith was there. 

You know Ann, the wife of that hard- 
fisted, tightwad, John Smith, of the 
mid-west village of Millberg. 

The only decent thing one can say for 
John is that he had the grace to die 
before Ann lost all her hair and teeth. 

She stood just beside me in her 
plaintive, plain, old-fashioned, ultra- 
respectable garb with her lined and 
rugged face shining with excitement. 
Both of us were hanging breathlessly 
over the table, back of which swung 
the wheel of fortune! 

Ann always put her dollar on the 
twenty; when she won, her old eyes 
glowed like coals of fire and her face 
shone with eager excitement; when she 
lost, she was a good sport and smiled 
like a lady ! 

She was so sure about the twenty, 
that I put a quarter on it — and lost, 
but the house couldn’t do much with 
25c anyway and it meant almost noth- 
ing in my life — once I got away from 
Tia Juana. 

Ann is in California for the purpose 
of “doing” it thoroughly, and while she 
does not add much to its cities sar- 
torially, she proved a distinct acquisi- 
tion financially at Tia Juana. 

Speaking of croupiers — that is, if 
one must speak of them somewhere — 
Tia Juana has all breeds, from the 
mottled, red, fat- toad variety, who has 
(Continued on Page 20) 



IT — July 1, 1920 



11 



Eastern Wisdom 



(Continued from Page 6.) 

all the while edging nearer and nearer 
to the coping. 

Suddenly he stepped too near, he 
slipped and went tumbling down the 
several stories toward the pavement. 

A policeman observed the tumble, 
hastened beneath the falling child and 
deftly caught it in his arms, saving its 
life. 

At this point the director knew the 
word “dummy” would be formed in a 
hundred throats. It was what he was 
waiting for and he permitted the child 
to lie perfectly inert for a few minutes 
so that the dummy idea would be en- 
hanced. Then when he felt that enough 
footage had been run to thoroughly cou- 
vince the audience that the child was a 
dummy, the youngster rubbed his eyes 
and sat up — and the surprise element 
was obtained. 

But— 

When the film reached the eastern 
slasher, whose sense of dramatics is 
confined to hitting a man over the head 
with a large board, he quickly got out 
his little shears, whacked the film off 
at the point where the policeman caught 
the child in his arms and inserted a 
close-up of the leading man thereby ab- 
solutely convincing the most unsophis- 
ticated audience that the child really 
was a dummy, else it would be shown 
otherwise. 

There are aplenty of blacksmiths in 
Los Angeles; why send the pictures 
East to be ruined ! 



Luther Reed has left Los Angeles for 
New York, where he expects to remain 
two months. Mr. Reed went via San 
Francisco, to enable him to hold a con- 
ference with Peter B. Kyne, whose nov- 
els Mr. Reed will adapt for Cosmopoli- 
tan Pictures. While in New York, Reed 
will confer with John Golden regarding 
a new play he is writing for that pro- 
ducer. 

* * * 

Clayton Hamilton, critic, author and 
lecturer has been signed by Goldwyn 
for a long term to write originals and 
continuities. 

* * * 

Virgil Hart, assistant director to 
Hugh Ryan Conway, who is directing 
“The Money Changers,” for B. B. 
Hampton at the Brunton studios, has 
returned to Los Angeles from San 
days filming a number of scenes in 
Francisco where he has been for several 
days following a number of scenes in 
Chinatown for the Oriental sequence of 
the feature. 

* * * 

Miss Patricia Owen Walsh recently 
celebrated her third birthday. Among 
those present was Seena Owen, who 
happens to be Miss Patricia’s mother. 





Such alluring ways {he s$le creators have of 
blending colorful fabrics, gauzy draperies and 
feathers. For example, the evening gov?n depicted 
ofd awn blush hue and lustrous elegance. What 
more Wondrous apparel could any beauty don to 
grace the country) club dance or formal town gath- 
ering? Where {his little frock awaits you are many 
others, each wi{h a charm individual and distinc- 
tively its own. At Cal ifornia’s Smartest Shop — 
635 South Broadway. 





■M ,L 



oom 



By Grace Wilcox 




While chatting with Seena Owen 
about clothes, I discovered much I 
hadn’t known before concerning horses 
and throwing the rope. 

It seems that a cow-ponv is much 
more to be desired than an ermine coat 
and that a rope of just the right twist 
is a dearer possession than a diamond 
sunburst. 

Motor cars are all right for con- 
venience, but they do not in the least 
compare with a good mount and a 
Mexican saddle. 

As for clothes — well, one had to wear 
them, of course — but really the only 
costume in which Miss Owen has any 
particular interest is a western riding 
habit with a leather coat trimmed in 
fringe. She hereby requests all burglars 
to take away anything else she may 
have of value — but never under penalty 
of the penitentiary carry off this riding 
coat. 

In the first place, she found it in a 
junk shop at the corner of Third and 
Los Angeles streets — and its duplicate 
is not on earth. It is as rare a find as 
a jade elephant of the early Ming 
dynasty. 

“Oh, yes — I’m sorry you came about 
clothes — for really, while they are 
necessary to our modern civilization, 
they’re a fearful bore, don’t you think?” 
inquired this sparkling western girl, 
who understands horses, but cannot get 
at the inner meaning of the clothes 
question. 

However, having been sent for a 
clothes story, I insisted, so we found 
selves in her luxurious boudoir in 
harming and artistic Manhattan 
home. 



Miss Owen confided in a stage 
whisper that if I liked her wardrobe, 
it was due entirely to the ingenuity of 
Madame Hoffman, who was formerly 
with the Lasky studios and now has a 
smart Hollywood shop of her own. 

So while she held up for inspection 
a perfect dream of a cold colored gown 
with one hand, she used the other to 
illustrate how one handles a lariat 
while on an actual round-up. 

But the gown of course is the thing 
— and this one that looked like gold 
leaf was a perfect beauty, exquisitely 
designed and modeled. The underslip 
was of gold cloth, while a rich gold lace 
of heavy pattern formed a bouffant 
overskirt caught here and there with 
gorgeous burnt orange flowers. The 
bodice — if such it may be called — was 
of gold lace, the back cut extremely 
low so that “one is dressed but not 
concealed,” as Miss Owen laughingly 
said. 

She was at the moment wearing a 
charming afternoon dress of black char- 
meuse — a long straight line — covered 
from neck to Harem hem with an elab- 
orate design of cut steel beads, a touch 
of color being added by a narrow sash 
of French blue grograine ribbon. 

“Organdie is really my favorite ma- 
terial,” Miss Ow r en explained as she 
displayed an organdie frock as crisp as 
a peach blossom in peach color. The 
full overskirt was trimmed with band- 
ings of radium lace as was also a quaint 
fichu forming the bodice. Organdie 
flowers gave an added spring-like touch 
to the fresh little gown, while a peach- 
(Continued on Page 30) 






IT— July 1, 1920 



13 



Sign Washburn 



Setting at rest all rumors as to the 
future activities of Bryant Washburn 
upon the completion of his contract 
with Famous Players, announcement 
has been made that Lee Ochs, has sign- 
ed Washburn for a long term to make 
four or five productions a year. 

For this purpose a special company 
known as the Bryant Washburn Pro- 
ductions, Inc., has been formed by Ochs. 

Washburn is now in New York con- 
ferring with Mr. Ochs, having finished 
“W T anted a Blemish,” his last picture 
for Famous Players. 

Accompanied by Mrs. Washburn and 
two children, Washburn will sail for 
Europe July 12 on the Kroonland, a 
tour of France and Italy will be follow- 
ed by a sojourn in England where the 
first of the ne\v Ochs pictures will be 
made, the story having an English set- 
ting. 

No announcement has been made as 
to the method of distributing the Wash- 
burn features. 



Dorothy Phillips, having just had her 
life insured for $100,000, she must not 
during the time she is employed in the 
present picture: 

Go up in an airship. 

Visit Tia Juana. 

Ride in an open motor car. 

* * * 

Monroe Salisbury, Donald Crisp and 
Claud Mitchell, all hired men in Salis- 
bury’s company, have purchased a tract 
of land along the McCloud river for 
some reason or another. 

* * * 

Viola Mallory has been named editor- 
in-chief of the Allen Holubar produc- 
tions. 

* * * 

Bill Duncan is resting between 
serials, he having completed “The Silent 
Avenger”. He will begin w'ork within 
a few days again, with Edith Johnson 
playing opposite. 

* * * 

“Babe” Hardy has just signed a two- 
year contract to appear in Vitagraph 
comedies. 

* * * 

Max Linder has started work on a 
series of comedies at Universal. They 
will be independent productions. 

* * * 

Fred Caldw r ell announces the com- 
pletion of another two-reel comedy fea- 
turing Cost Angeles. Louise Lamont 
taring Los Angeles. Louise Lamont 
plays the feminine lead. 

* * * 

Ann May is playing the role orig- 
inally assigned to Gloria Swanson with 
Bryant Washburn. The picture is now 
about ready for the cutters. 



Courtenay Foote has arrived in Los 
Angeles from New York, and will com- 
mence work at once in “The Sea Rover,” 
a Jack London story, which is to be pro- 
duced by Metro. Mr. Foote has been 
cast in the leading role. 

* * * 

Ward Crane who has appeared in a 
number of Louis B. Mayer productions 
has gone to New York for several week’s 
vacation. 



Frank Keenan, has returned to Los 
Angeles, after a three months sojourn 
in New York. He brought a brand new 
grouch back, the other having worn out, 
on account of being hauled back and 
forth across the country so much. 

* * * 

Sada Cowan, who wrote the script for 
“Why Change Your Wife,” has been en- 
gaged by Harry Garson to write origin- 
al stories. 




14 



IT— .July 1, 1920 



The Man Without a Name 

By MILES OVERHOLT 



CHAPTER XTTI 

It developed that the completion of 
the task Murray had set out to perform 
was greater than had been anticipated 
and he was necessitated to remain still 
another month at the Rancho del Rev. 

Though he was burning with anxiety 
to be off on what he feared was a vain 
quest for his parents or relatives, he 
would not leave until his work had been 
entirely finished. 

Frequently the wild man visited the 
Willetts and he enjoyed the company of 
Miss Willetts to a great degree. She 
was a cultured young woman, rode, 
played golf and talked well, but Mur- 
ray’s ideal was one Shirley Bramwell, 
and this he could never forget, 

Murray made no effort to communi- 
cate with the Bramwells except by his 
weekly reports to the bank. Judge 
Bramwell wrote him frequently, at first 
begging him to come home and assume 
charge of the bank, but he soon found 
that his entreaties were useless, and 
finally he desisted. He learned that 
when Murray’s mind was made up there 
was no changing it. 

The “wild man’’ at length addressed 
a letter to the judge, in which he ex- 
plained about Moore, and though the 
judge was at first vehement in Ills de- 
nunciation of his former business part- 
ner, he at last consented to help give 
him another chance, and when Moore 
had, so far as Murray could learn, made 
good, he was given the management of 
a small banking institution at Yucapi, 
which Judge Bramwell and Willetts 
had established. 

General Ojingo, Moore told Murray, 
was killed by the Mexicans, as were all 
the members of his band. He (Moore) 
was permitted to escape because of the 
fear of international complications. 

And when Moore at last assumed 
charge of the Yucapi bank it was a con- 
trite and mild-mannered manager that 
greeted the customers of the institution. 
He knew that he owed the opportunity 
to make a man of himself only to Mur- 
ray, and from a bullying, self-satisfied, 
smug individual, he was completely 
cured, and the owners of the Yucapi 
bank had no cause to complain of his 
management of the institution’s affairs. 

After the water was flowing on the 
big Ojingo rancho and the work had 
been completed to its minutest detail, 
Murray bade the men and the owners 
of the Rancho del Rev a hearty fare- 
well and left for Yucapi. Then he re- 
membered the many kindnesses that 
had been shown him by the men and 
the foreman of the Rancho de Bandini, 
and, feverish as he was to go out into 



the world in search of his name, he 
turned his horse and rode over to the 
"Widow’s Place.” 

As he neared the Rancho de Bandini 
the same old feeling of exhilaration and 
joy passed through him. From a mel- 
ancholy person without a name he seem- 
ed to be suddenly transported to the 

•§•« — « — — „„ — „„ — „ — „ — „„ — „„ — „„ — — u — ... — 4 

I Murray Hill, a boy of tender years, I 
] becomes lost from his parents in Death 
! Valley, Cal. He wanders about, unafraid, i 
I and sleeps in a bear’s den. The animal 
I adopts him- He grows to manhood a 5 
] wild, silent animal. He forgets how to j 
! talk and to think. He Is captured by a s 
I group of hunters and is brought to the | 

1 city to be civilized. Shirley Bramwell, 1 
[ daughter of Judge Bramwell, one of the 
1 men who finds the Wild Man, undertakes 
j to teach Murray how to become civilized. 

Murray progresses rapidly, and after a 
few months goes to work in the bank of 
which Judge Bramwell is president. He 
takes an unusual and unexplained dislike 
to Willis Moore, Shirley’s suitor and vice j 
president of the bank. Murray finds on 5 
the books some gigantic loans to the Yu- 
capi Land & Water Co., of Mexico, and 5 
he instinctively believes some crooked 
work is going on. He determines to find = 
out. He learns that Moore and a Mexican 
general, Ojingo, have interests together s 
in Mexico. 

Judge Bramwell and Willis Moore leave 
for Yucapi to look at the property upon s 
which so much money has been loaned. 
Mrs. Bramwell receives a message stat- 1 
ing that the two men have been taken 
prisoner by bandits. Murry induces Wil- 
letts, the ranch owner, to accompany him 
j and they rush to the rescue. 

1 At Yucapi Willetts talks — and is locked 
| In his hotel room. Murray, securing 
J horses, rides — by instinct — across the des- 
| sert until he reaches a rancho. There the 
I cowboys on “The Widow’s Ranch’’ accom- 
pany him after dark toward the outlaw 
s camp. But a protruding branch of a tree 
I brushes Murray from his horse and he 
s becomes lost from the party. However, 
j he travels by instinct — afoot— direct to the 
s camp of the bandits. He succeeds in 
| crawling up to the campfire where one 
5 Mexican is on guard as the band sleeps. 

He leaps for the guard’s throat, 
j Murray rescues Judge Bramwell, leav- 
I ing Moore to sleep. The Judge has learn- 
| ed that Moore has tricked him — that the 
1 vice president and Ojinga are working to- 
j gether to fleece the bank. Murray and 
I Judge Bramwell return to Los Angeles. 

| Then Murray overhears Shirley tell her 
1 father that the “wild man” is a nameless 
[ animal. It cuts the boy to the quick, but 
1 he continues to fight to protect Judge I 
j Bramwell. He visits Willetts and gets a 1 
1 promise of plenty of water with which to j 
| irrigate the Ojinga ranch — and perhaps I 
; some money. 

The “wild man” succeeds in obtaining 
sufficient funds from his friend Willetts to 
keep the bank’s head above water, and he 
also builds reservoirs and irrigation 
ditches and gets water on the Ojingo 
ranch, making it worth at least two mil- 
lion dollars. Then he is called to Los An- 5 
f geles and is offered the presidency of the 
National Bank of the Republic. Murray s 
j refuses the honor — because he has no 
I name. f 

j Meantime Willis Moore, now a tramp, | 

I applies for a job at the Ojingo ranch and | 
j is put to work. 

+ * 

seventh heaven of delight, and as on 
previous occasions, he tried to fathom 
the mysterious feeling, but was unable 
to do so. 

The foreman saw him coming, recog- 
nized him and greeted him cordially. 

“I’m sure glad to see you,” said Bob 
Downs. “I hear you’ve made*tlie desert 



bloomin’ like the rose over Rancho del 
Rev wav.’ ’ 

“It hasn’t bloomed yet,” replied Mur- 
ray, smiling, “but we hope it will.” 

“I've been telling the widow of your 
exploits,” continued the foreman, “and 
she wants to meet you. So if you don’t 
mind, we’ll go into the big house.” 

Murray was no longer bashful and 
awkward in the presence of women, and 
lie followed the foreman with alacrity. 

The widow proved to be a handsome 
woman, a little past middle age, with 
kindly features and a beautiful wel- 
coming smile. 

Bob hesitated over the introduction. 
He had forgotten to ask Murray his 
name, so he mumbled something and let 
it go at that. 

The feeling of pleasure that Murray 
had experienced when he rode up to the 
house was now increased a thousand- 
fold. He wanted to shout from sheer 
joy. The widow, too. seemed startled 
and strangely ill at ease. And as she 
took hold of Murray’s hand, she, too, 
felt a singular exaltation and then, the 
“wild man” tears streaming down his 
face, shouted the word “Mother!” and 
clasped her in his arms. 

The foreman coughed, grew red in 
the face, picked up his hat and went 
out. He heard the widow say : “Mur- 
ray, my boy, my own boy !” He heard 
the widow sob, then he hastened over to 
the bunkhouse, a peculiar swelling in 
his throat. 

For two hours Murray and his new- 
found mother sat in the parlor of. the 
big house, and held each other’s hands 
and talked and no one bothered them. 

“To think,” said Mrs. Hill finally, 
“that YOU should know ME. It’s in- 
credible — how did you know me?” 

“Something — I don’t know what — 
told me — that’s all,” replied Murray. 
“It’s a peculiar gift I have of knowing 
things. I can’t account for it — I just 
have it.” 

And then he told of his ten years’ life 
as an animal, and of his regeneration, 
aided by Judge Bramwell, and of his 
work and his plans. 

Mrs. Hill said that her husband had 
bought the Rancho de Bandini for a 
mere pittance eight years before, and 
then died. It was she who developed it 
and brought it into a state where it was 
paying more than .$10,000 yearly. And 
Murray for the first time since he had 
been brought into civilization, was su- 
premely happy. 

Mrs. Hill showed him his birth cer- 
tificate, and other documents, a lock of 
his hair, his photograph taken when he 
was a mere babe, and other little treas- 
sures she had preserved and worship- 
continued on Page 29. 



IT — July 1, 1920 



15 



Picture Folk 



Following the production of “Sowing 
the Wind,” Anita Stewart’s forthcom- 
ing production, the Louis B. Mayer 
studios at Eastlake park will be closed 
for several weeks while the star is so- 
journing at her Long Island home. 
Mildred Harris also will take a vaca- 
tion. 

* * * 

Harry Spingler has brought suit for 
divorce against his wife, known pro- 
fessionally as Vera Michelena. Sping- 
ler claims desertion. 

# * * 

Howard Hickman, known privately 
as Bessie Barriscale's husband, has up 
and quit directing, and is again to ap- 
pear as an actor. It is understood that 
Mr. Hickman will go to Goldwyn, al- 
though nothing definite has been an- 
nounced. 

* # * 

Capt. Bogart Rogers, former army 
aviator, and son of Earl Rogers, local 
attorney, was married June 26 to Miss 
Isabel Young, daughter of a wealthy 
Oregon apple grower. Capt. Rogers is 
a member of the Inee publicity depart- 
ment. 

* * * 

Harry Houdini, handcuff king, sends 
word from Glasgow, Scotland, that he 
will return to America by airplane, 
starting from London, where he will 
fly to Paris, from there to Cherbourg, 
which is the place for the final take-off. 
* * * 

Ethel Clayton, Lasky star, accom- 
panied by her mother and brother, have 
reached New York en route to London, 
where she will make two pictures at 
the Famous Plavers-Lasky British Pro- 
ducers, Ltd., studio, following a sight- 
seeing trip through Europe. 

* * * 

Carlyle Blackwell has signed a con- 
tract with Cosmopolitan, and will ap- 
pear opposite Marion Davies in “The 
Restless Sex”. 

* * * 

Hugo Ballin Productions has been 
formed in New York with a capital of 
$150,000. The works of Achmed Ab- 
dullah will be produced. 

* * * 

James B. Leong, it is announced, has 
formed a company to be known as 
James B. Leong Productions, Inc., 
which will make Chinese stories ex- 
clusively in California. The first of a 
series to be made is “The Porcelain Bell 
of China”. Leong is said to have been 
the technical expert on “Broken Blos- 
soms” and “The Red Lantern”. 

* * * 

Molly Malone has been engaged to 
support Jack Bickford in his next 
Goldwyn picture, “Just Out of Col- 
lege,” from the story by George Ade, 
under the direction of A1 Green. 




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16 



Edward’s “Child” 



Suit to force payment of commis- 
sions on a contract alleged to have been 
signed with the R. C. P. Smith Syndi- 
cate has been brought by E. G. Elliott 
against Georgie Price, a vaudeville per- 
former. 

According to Mr. Elliott, who has 
been acting as manager for Mr. Price in 
Los Angeles, the vaudeville performer 
signed a contract to appear in a series 
of comedies for the Smith Syndicate, 
but after he had reached the presence 
of one Gus Edwards, he was intiueneed 
to remain out of pictures and Elliott is 
suing for either a fulfillment of the con- 
tract, or a commission in full for his 
efforts in obtaining the contract for 
Price. 

Elliott says that Edwards claims to 
have adopted Price and that he is the 
guardian of the actor. However, Mr. 
Elliott states that Mr. Price is of age 
and that Edwards has no right to dic- 
tate to him. 

Recently Mrs. Gus Edwards was sued 
by the parents of Lila Lee on similar 
grounds. 



Willard Mack, actor, author and 
matrimonist, is, according to the public 
prints, about to take unto himself an- 
other wife, in the person of Barbara 
Castleton, Goldwyn actress, who is at 
present in New York. Mr. Mack has 
been successively (not successfully) 
married to Marjorie Rambeau and 
Pauline Frederick. Miss Castleton re- 
cently lost a husband while en route 
through Reno. 

* * * 

Edward Jobson, character actor, has 
signed a contract with Metro and be 
comes a member of the permanent stock 
company. Mr. Jobson has been appear- 
ing in Metro pictures for many months, 
as well as for Laskv, Goldwyn and 
others. * * * 

June Mathis, head of the Metro West 
Coast scenario department, has return- 
ed from a hurried trip to New York, 
and will remain in Los Angeles during 
the filming of “The Four Horsemen of 
the Apocalypse,” for which she pre- 
pared the ’script. While here Miss 
Mathis will scenaroize “Polly With a 
Past,” which will be produced with 
Ina Claire in the title role, which she 
created on the stage. 

* * * 

Hale Hamilton and his new wife, 
Grace LaRue, are vacationing at Santa 
Barbara, following a successful run of 
“Dear Me,” a three-act comedy from 
the pen of Luther Reed, at the Cort 
Theatre, Chicago, in which Mr. Hamil- 
ton and Miss LaRue were co-stars. 
“Dear Me” will open the last week of 
August in Boston, for an extended en- 
gagement, prior to a New York pre- 
miere. 



Homebrewers : 

Want a kick? If you would win it 

Put a little raisin in it. 

Profiteers : 

Want a kick in half a minute? 

Put a little raisin’ in it. 

* # * 

To sin is human and to purr , feline. 

* * * 

Madge Kennedy is the latest to come 
to the front with announcement of her 
own producing company, to be known 
as Madge Kennedy Pictures Corpora- 
tion, which will, starting in the fall, 
make four pictures each year. Miss 
Kennedy’s contract with Goldwyn ex- 
pires in September, after which she will 
take a month’s vacation in Europe. On 
her return she will appear in a stage 
play and at the same time produce her 
own pictures. 



Maurice Tourneur’s handsome new 
home on a hilltop at Hollywood is near- 
ing completion. 



IT —.July 1, 1920 



Another Studio 



A new studio to cost $250,000, is in 
the process of construction for the Her- 
man Pictures Corporation, according to 
the announcement of E. P. Herman, 
president and general manager of the 
organization. 

A site on Wilshire boulevard in 
Santa Monica has been selected and 
work is rapidly being pushed, one stage 
being practically completed. A $15,000 
electric generator plant is being install- 
ed, and as soon as this is done work 
will be started upon the second big 
special production, “Something More,” 
which is a sequel to “That Something.” 

“That Something,” a photoplay fea- 
turing Marjory Wilson, which enjoyed 
a long run at the Victory Theatre, was 
the first picture to be produced by the 
Herman Corporation. 



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17 



IT— July 1, 1920 



Ground Broken 



With appropriate ceremonies, ground 
was broken last week for the new Rob- 
ertson and Cole studios at the corner 
of Melrose and Gower street in South 
Hollywood, adjoining the Brunton 
plant. 

Work will be rushed on the first unit 
stage so that no time will be lost in get- 
ting several new productions under 
way. 

When completed the new studios will 
house the producing organizations of 
Pauline Fredericks, Mae Marsh, Dustin 
Farnum, Lew Cody, Sessue Hayakawa, 
and other artists to be announced later, 
all of whom are to appear exclusively in 
Robertson & Cole features. 

* * * 

Dorothy Devore, former Sennett 
bathing beauty, has been signed to sup- 
port Charles Ray in his latest feature, 
“Forty-five Minutes From Broadway,” 
under direction of Joseph DeGrasse. 
Thought Cecil and Will had a corner 
on all ex-bathing girls. 

* * * 

Robert Thornbv has completed work 
on “Half a Chance,” his first special 
seven-reel production for Jesse D. 
Hampton, with Mahlon Hamilton in 
the leading role. The feature will be 
cut under the personal direction of 
Mr. Thornby. 

* * * 

Robert Gordon has finished work in 
“The Vice of Fools,” a Vitagraph pro- 
duction. Mr. Gordon’s contract ex- 
pires with J. Stuart Blackton in July 
and he will visit his home in Los An- 
geles before announcing plans for the 
coming year. 

* * * 

Frank Mayo, bon vivant, and boule- 
vardier, has agreed to pay his wife, 
Joyce Moore Mayo, $100 per week pend- 
ing the trial of her suit for separate 
maintenance. 

* * * 

Forrest Stanley, former matinee fa- 
vorite of Los Angeles, has been placed 
under a long-time contract by Cecil 
De Mille, and will appear as leading 
man in a forthcoming De Mille produc- 
tion. 

* * * 




Third Big Week A?i{h 

DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS 

IN 

“THE MOLLYCODDLE” 




MABEL NORMAND in 



“THE SLIM PRINCESS 



Florence Turner, one of the first of 
the leigtimate artists to desert the stage 
for motion pictures back in 1907, has 
been engaged by Metro to support Viola 
Dana in “Blackmail,” by Lucia Cham- 
berlain, to be directed by Dallas Fitz- 
gerald. 

* * * 

Hulbert Footner, magazine writer 
and author of many stories of the Ca- 
nadian Northwest, has arrived in Holly- 
wood and has started work at the Metro 
studios. He will write four original 
stories a year. 









BROADWAY AT FIFTH 




Frank Mayo 


A 

Universal 




in 


Feature 


“The Red Lane” 




Augmented Orchestra 






18 



IT— July 1, 1920 



Ince and Hart 



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When the suit of William S. Hart, 
film star, against Thomas H. Ince, 
whereby Hart seks to enforce tlie terms 
of a contract, said to have been entered 
into with luce, was called in Judge 
Works court, attorneys for Ince en- 
deavored to show that the suit was real- 
ly an action to collect dividends, but as 
it had not been shown that dividends 
had been declared, the complaint did 
not state sufficient facts to constitute a 
cause of action. 

The court ruled otherwise however, 
and held that the relation between Ince 
and Hart was governed by the contract 
in question. 

Proceeds from the sale and rental of 
Hart features amounting to $ 100,000 
are involved in the suit. 

* * * 

Henry King has started work on 
‘•Going Straight,” which is the third 
of a series to be made by Jesse D. 
Hampton for Pa the release, with Henry 
B. Warner in the featured role. Lillian 
Rich will play the lead opposite 
Warner. In the supporting cast are 
Harvey Clark, Howard Davies, Claude 
Payton, Frederick Huntly and Fred 
Kohler. “Going Straight” is an adapta- 
tion by Fred My ton of John A. Mor- 
oso’s novel, “The People Against Nancy 
Preston.” 

* * * 

Harry Revier has finished and ship- 
ped to New York the first three epi- 
sodes of “The Son of Tarzan,” the Na- 
tional Film Corporation serial, from 
the jungle romances of Edgar Rice 
Burroughs, adapted for the screen by 
Roy Somerville. 

* * * 

Henry McRae has been made super- 
vising director for Dominion Photo- 
plays Company, which will produce a 
number of Ralph Connor’s novels for 
the screen, to be released by First Na- 
tional. 

* * * 

Jerry Storm, erstwhile director for 
Charlie Ray, is being shown the sights 
of New York by Richard Barthlemess. 
Jerry will return to Los Angeles in 
about three or four weeks, when he will 

announce his new plans. 

* * * 

Gloria Swanson has signed a new 

contract with Famous Plavers-Lasky. 

Mr. Gloria Swanson (Herbert K. Som- 

born) has resigned as President of 

Equity Pictures Corporation. 

* * * 

Robert Broadwell, who recently went 
East and started his own company to 
be known as Broadwell Productions, 
Inc., has started work on a feature en- 
1 i tied “The $100,000 Kiss” which is a 
Nick Carter story. This ought to go 
well with the Western Union Boys in 
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IT— July 1, 1920 



19 






To All Photoplayers 



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20 



IT —July 1, 1920 



Tia Juana the Golden 



Continued from Page 10 

swelled to the bursting point with his 
liquor, to the lynx-eyed, rat-faced dope 
fiend who indifferently but watchfully 
and swiftly deals the cards and when 
off duty lives for a few brief hours in 
some fanciful ecstasy of his own imag- 
ination superinduced by the “brand” 
to which he is addicted. 

Timid Tim from Timkenville had 
come a long way for his drink — in fact, 
Timkenville is not far from Boston — 
if you remember your geography. 

Tim looked a trifle stilted and un- 
certain of himself ; he wasn’t at all 
sure about the fitness of the place — 
but he was out for a good time and 
there were quite a few present who were 
willing to help him have it. 

A brunette dame with jet hair and 
purple powder nudged him and said 
she needed a drink to brighten up the 
day. Tim thought at first she was 
speaking to someone else, but as she 
grinned up at him in her best Jezebelian 
manner, he backed off, looked at her, 
then in his precise Boston English, and 
extending a dollar toward her, he told 
her to go and buy herself one! 

Amazement was written large on the 
dame’s vlugar face, as muttering some- 
thing about “swell guys and hell” she 
walked off. 

After that episode Tim seemed to 
take heart a little; he asked a promis- 
ing looking chap with a clean shave for 
a match; they fell into a conversation 
and the last I saw of them they were 
“beating it” for the bar, arm in arm. 

Jenny was there — she might have 
been the Jenny out of Rosetti’s “Jenny” 
for all I know. She was pale and 
beautiful with cheeks too pink and lips 
too crimson — a languid darling of the- 
gods at three in the afternoon, but at 
eight in the evening a shrieking, fight- 
ing she-devil with her claws un- 
sheathed ! 

And all because the anaemic young 
clerk who accompanied her was obliged 
to tell her that he had lost his “wad!” 

Furthermore, he had lost most of his 
weak mind in liquor — so when he told 
her — he stuttered a good deal. She ran 
off and was lost in the crowd, leaving 
him to gape stupidly around like a 
half-wit, who knew there was some- 
thing to cry about, so laughed. 

A cold, calm, fox-faced croupier 
called me “sister” and I wondered how 
he knew I was interested in universal 
brotherhood. These men are wonder- 
ful psychologists; they can tell how 
much money you have in your purse 
before you open it. He “sistered” me 
because he thought I was with a pros- 
perous-looking profiteer whose pockets 
were bulging. Even a faro dealer can’t 



always be sure “who’s with who” in 
Tia Juana! 

Horace was among those present, 
shrugging his tightly-tailored shoul- 
ders, flicking his dainty handkerchief 
and declaring that everything was 
beastly, by jove. That was early in the 
afternoon. Before midnight he was 
observed sans the handkerchief, sans 
his coat, yelling like an Apache be- 
cause he’d made a “killing”. A little 
later he was •threatening a roulette 
wheel operator with sudden death and 
having a bully time generally. 

Horace should often visit Tia Juana; 
it is for such as he that the wicked 
little town should wave forever! 

“Oh, go on kid — put her down there 
— you c'n never tell your luck — and 
maybe you'll win enough to take us 
home on. Don’t be tight — loosen up — 
I’ve shot my wad — but you’ve got ten 
bucks left — let her roll !” Thus spoke 
McGarity, formerly of the machine gun 
squad who wears a nifty little bullet 
hole in his. cheek and who since the 
Great War is unsettled and unhappy 
unless lie’s getting a thrill somewhere 
—thus he spoke to his pal, who makes 
his $1.00 an hour in a Los Angeles 
garage. 

“Say, old girl, kick through with ten 
bucks, will you? I need it to change 
my luck. You’re money’s always luckier 
than mine.” “Old Girl,” who looks 
somewhat worried and grim, “digs,” 
and as she does so says, “This is the 
last cent, Eli!” 

“You give me a pain, you do, Hen. 
You never do nothing but play and 
play and play and lose and lose and 
lose. I came down here to see the 
sights — and so far all I’ve seen is a 
deck of cards. Whyn’t you come over 
and show me some of them — you knows 
— I ain’t seen nothing!” Mrs. Jones, 
who had got a neighbor to stay with 
the children while she and Hen mo- 
tored down in the flivver, was plain 
peeved. 

“Oh, hell, what’s the use of coming 
down here in the first place? If I’d 
known you tvas going to be an old 
grouch and never give me a cent to 
spend, I wouldn’t have came!” Sally 
of the chorus was chagrined to discover 
Prince Charming an ogre after all. 

Bneath all the life and gaiety of this 
modern Babylon is a smooth-flowing 
current of law and order. Those who 
are responsible for Tia Juana, both the 
Americans and Mexicans, are not going 
to be closed up by the first inspector or 
the first wild-eyed reformer who crosses 
the border. 

Things, so far at least as Monte 
Carlo is concerned, are done decently. 
Bottled goods are not sold and any 
persons who desire to do a little private 



bootlegging will find it fairly difficult 
to purchase the liquor, to say nothing 
of getting past the customs house with 
it. There are “spotters” about and the 
certainty of this is established beyond 
a doubt when one’s motor car, innocent 
of liquor, is passed with a cheery wave 
of the insepctor’s hand. 

The underworld denizens who flour- 
ish here, the conductors of the games, 
the bar-keepers — in fact, everybody and 
everything seems to be ruled with an 
iron rigidity. While it is possible to 
get drunk, disorderliness in the casinos 
and cafes is taboo and too much noise 
is quietly quieted. Tia Juana is not 
operated for* young boys and girls, nor 
for Sunday school scholars, but for 
those who know something of the world 
and its ways, something of the customs 
of other countries ; for those who desire 
to observe the other half, it is interest- 
ing and neither better nor worse than 
places of the same kind that in former 
days dotted this country wherever a 
city sprang up ; nor is it different from 
many such towns scattered over the 
world and patronized by the so-called 
better classes everywhere. 

As for writers, artists and psycholo- 
gists, it is a playgorund, a hunting 
ground — a place in which a tlmisand 
pictures and a thousand stories are 
born each hour — a place in which every 
type, from the wretched, matted-haired, 
disease-scarred old hag to the silken- 
veiled, smartly tailored, title English 
lady may be found and pigeonholed for 
future reference. 

Here humanity high in its evolu- 
tion and humanity struggling upward 
through its filth, meet in common com- 
radeship and in the fellowship of “the 
wine while it is red,” the playing of 
the game and the taking of wild 
chances, it makes merry and forgets its 
troubles ! 

Tia Juana, the meeting place of those 
who have had too much pleasure and 
those who have had none — cheer-o! 



Anita Stewart has started work on 
“Sowing the Wind,” her final picture 
before beginning the summer vacation. 
Following production Miss Stewart will 
go East to her Long Island summer 
home, where she will entertain for a 
time all of her grandparents, each be- 
ing over 80 years of age. To do this it 
was necessary for Miss Stewart to post- 
pone for at least a year a contemplated 
picture-making trip to Honolulu. 

F O R S A L E— The “speed boa t ““ Mis- 
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8 inches. This boat is a wonder. Ideal 
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IT— July 1, 1920 



21 





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For the second time within a few 
months Goldwyn has been sued by a 
scenario writer for misappropriating 
scenes from a story. This time it is 
William R. Lighton and Louis Lighton. 
They allege that in “Jes’ Call Me Jim,” 
which was supposed to be a film version 
of J. G. Holland’s novel, “Seven Oaks,” 
there had been interpolated most of the 
scenes from their own story, “Billy For- 
tune and the Only Girl”. A compromise 
settlement of $7500 for the piture rights 
to the story was given the Lightens. 
It was not until after the Lightens saw 
the story “Jes’ Call Me Jim” on the 
screen that they recognized, their own 
story. They immediately started suit, 
but the case was settled before it 
reached the court. 



Morris Gest, to whom goes the doubt- 
ful fame of having induced Geraldine 
Farrar to enter pictures a few years 
ago — but that is another story — any- 
way, Morrie ran down to the pier to 
see Mary and Doug off to Europe, and 
offered them $10,000 for the privilege 
of filming scenes during their honey- 
moon voyage — and— ain’t that just like 
Morrie ! 

* * * 

Ora Carew, former Mack Sennett 
bathing beaut}’, who recently directed 
her talent along dramatic lines, has 
signed a contract with William De 
Mille to play leading roles in his Para- 
mount productions. The first picture 
in which she will appear under Mr. 
De Mille’s direction will be “His Friend 
and His Wife,” adapted from Cosmo 
Hamilton’s novel. 

* # * 

James Morrison, former Vitagraph 
actor, has arrived on the Coast, his 
first visit, and was immediately en- 
gaged for an important role in “Sow- 
ing the Wind,” which is to be Anita 
Stewart’s next starring vehicle for 
Louis B. Mayer. 

* * * 

Owen Moore, Myron and Dave Selz- 
nick and Sarah Mason were among the 
film folks slightly shaken up when a 
Santa Fe train was wrecked in Col- 
orado. 

* * * 

“Micky” Nielan has returned home, 
after ironing out all difficulties with the 
First National Exhibitors’ Circuit, and 
will carry out his contract with that 
organization. “Micky” brought Pete 
Schmidt back with him and henceforth 
Pete will handle all exploitation and 
publicity on the Nielan pictures from 
Los Angeles. 

* * * 

Franklyn Farnum has been resigned 
by Col. Wm. N. Selig, to appear in a 
series of five reel western features. Otto 
Lederer will direct. 



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IT— July 1, 1920 



22 



Confessions 



It’s curious how most wealthy blokes, 
Repeat the same old, musty jokes, 

In telling all us real poor folks, 

Just, “how I got my start!” 

How Nature, cruel and unjust. 
Constructed them from common dust, 
But they were strong on can and must, 
And likewise, “purty smart.” 

They tell us anyone who tries, 

May emulate the maxim wise, 

“Early to bed, early to rise,” 

Impatient for the race ; 

Be up when day begins to peep, 

Be ready when the birdies cheep. 

And hustle while the sluggards sleep, 
And dream about the chase. 

Of course they owe some things to dad, 
To sense a good deal from a bad — 

He left them what few yens he had, 
When he “gave up the ghost ;” 

With this small start and lots of grit, 
They clamped their teeth down on the 
bit. 

And never loosed their hold on it, 

’Til safetly past the post. 

The start is but a simple thing, 

“One swallow never makes a spring,” 
And we would like to hear ’em sing 
Of ways and customs which, 

They’ve followed from their early 
youth, 

The devious paths pursued, forsooth, 
The unadulterated truth, 

Just, “How I Grew So Rich.” 

— E. L. AULTMAN. 



Doris Deane of Pasadena, lias been 
engaged for an important part in 
"Head Over Heels,” a Goldwyn produc- 
tion starring Mabel Normand. Vic 
Schertzinger will direct. 

* * * 

Mary O’Connor, film editor for Fa- 
mous Players, has returned from New 
York with a bundle of new plays under 
her arm. But she won’t tell the names 
of any of them. Miss O’Connor while 
in New York attended seventeen shows 
in thirteen days, she says. 

* * * 

Jeanie Macpherson has signed a new 
contract with Cecil B. De Mille, under 
the terms of which she will write ex- 
clusively for him over a period of five 
years. Miss Macpherson is required to 

write only two scenarios a year. 

* * * 

Alf Goulding, who wields a comedy 
megaphone for Bolin Films, decided to 
get married the other day so he took. 
Miss Marcella Desmond, leading woman 
with the Harry Pollard company, to a 

minister’s and had the knot tied. 

* * * 

Jack Mulhall, one of the screen’s 
handsomest leading men, has been se- 
lected from a host of actors to support 
Bebe Daniels in “You Never Can Tell,” 
her first starring vecihle for Realart, 
under the direction of Chet Franklin. 



In the Movies 



Elliot Howe, who recently went 
through four productions with Frank 
Keenan, has been engaged as assistant 
to Henry King at the Jesse D. Hamp- 
ton studios. 

* * * 

Macey Harlam, New York actor, has 
arrived in Los Angeles, to appear in 
support of Betty Compson in her sec- 
ond starring vehicle, yet to be named. 

* * * 

Helen Jerome Eddy has been en- 
gaged for an important role in “The 
First Born,” which will be Sessue Ha- 
yakawa’s first independent feature for 
Robertson-Cole. “The First Born” is 
a stage play which had a remarkable 
success. 

* * * 

Conway Tearle has signed a contract 
whereby he will make and star in six 
productions a year for National Pic- 
ture Theatres. 

* * * 

May Allison, Metro star, is to be pre- 
sented in a picturization of Mrs. 
Humphrey Ward’s novel and stage 
play, “The Marriage of William Ashe”. 



Waldemar Young, former scenarist 
for Mary Pickford, has been engaged 
by Metro to occupy a desk in its fast- 
growing scenario department. 




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IT— July 1, 1920 



23 



Chester’s Plans 



Work on the construction of a beau- 
tiful administration building, labora- 
tory and workshops has been started at 
Gower Street and Sunset Boulevard, 
where C. L. Chester will have his head- 
quarters, with the completion of the 
structures. 

Mr. Chester, who has come here from 
New York to make his permanent head- 
quarters, has taken over the Gail Henry 
comedies which are being made at the 
Lehrman Culver City studios, and he is 
the new business manager for Henry 
Lehrman comedies. 

In addition to these companies, Mr. 
Chester is making at the old E. & K. 
.lungle Film Company's studios near 
Lincoln Park, a series of two-reel com- 
edies, featuring “Snoogy,” the '•human- 
zee,'’ a chipanzee with pretty nearly 
human intelligence. In fact William S. 
Campbell, the director, alleges that 
Snooky takes direction a whole lot bet- 
ter than a great number of alleged hu- 
man actors. 

At present Mr. Chester is maintain- 
ing offices in the Markham Building at 
Hollywood where he has a number of 
people workin on his Chester-Out ing re- 
leases, his Globe Trots and his Screen- 
ings, which are issued every week. 

Eddie Rosenbaum has been added to 
the Chester staff. He is at present 
handling publicity for Mr. Chester. 



Margaret Lockwood, f o r m e r 1 y a 
Broadway favorite on the stage, is the 
new art director for the Herman Film 
Company. In private life, she is the 
wife of E. P. Herman. She will also 
play an important part in Herman’s 
next picture. 

* * * 

House Peters has gone over to J. 
Parker Read to play a part in the 
Louise Glaum picture. Following this 
production, Mr. Peters will be starred 
in his own company, now being formed. 
* * * 

Stewart Edward White has returned 
to Los Angeles to confer with J. Parker 
Read, Jr., on the production of Mr. 
White’s novel, “The Leopard Woman,” 
which has been purchased as a vehicle 
for Louise Glaum. Wesley Ruggles 
will direct. 

* * * 

Ann Forest, who made such a tre- 
mendous hit in “Dangerous Days,” the 
Goldwyn picture from Mary Roberts 
Rinehart’s story, has been engaged by 
Cecil B. De Mille for the principal femi- 
nine role in his next big picture to 
follow “Something to Think About,” 
which is now in the cutting room. 

* * * 

Naomi Childers, Goldwyn actress, 
has returned to her home in Holly- 
wood, following a three weeks’ visit 
with her mother in New York City. 



Movie Folk 



Ora Carew has been engaged for a 
role in “The Crossroads,” the second 
big production which Lloyd Carletou 
will direct for Clermont Photoplays. 
Melbourne MacDowell and Lawson Butt 

have the chief male roles. 

* * * 

Jack Roseleigh, legitimate actor, has 
been added to the roster of famous 
players at the Jesse D. Hampton 
studios. He has been cast to support 
Blanche Sweet in her latest picture, 
“That Girl Montana”. Mr. Roseleigh 
just finished a season as leading man 
with Bertha Kalisch in “The Riddle 
Woman”. 

* * * 

Robert McKim, bad man, recently 
elevated to stardom by Benjamin B. 
Hampton, has been loaned to Robert 
Bruuton for one picture, “The Devil 
to Pay,” which Ernest Warde will 
direct. 

* * * 

Harry Carey is trying to secure a 
vacation from the Universal so that he 
can take a wild west show on the road. 



William Irving has been selected for 
the cast of “Someone in the House,” 
which John Ince will direct for Metro. 




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IT— July 1, 1920 



A Hardboiled Egg 



By Frederick Bennett 

Is to be “hard-boiled” a crime, or a 
curse and a fatal state of being? 

Too much film life, too much sophisti- 
cation, too much of inside knowledge 
and rubbing elbows, if no longer edges 
of steins, with the inner mob, is the 
cause of being hard boiled. And the 
effect? Well, judge for yourself: 

Smiles to the right of me, giggles to 
the left of me, gasps of admiration to 
the gallery of me and whisper of “ain’t 
he a darling” to the parquet of me, as 
I sat in the front row of the balcony 
and scowled. 

There I was in an audience, which 
was terribly eni’aptured about a movie 
performer. I was but the pimple on the 
fair hide of happiness! 

They raved about him. But I could 
only see him as the chap that still 
owes me money and whom I knew when 
he sat in his stocking feet in a Hill 
street “we - half - sole - them - while-you- 
wait” cobblerv, reading the want ads. 
I could only see him as he leaned 
against the old-time joy counter with 
a bubbling glass of champagne, bought 
with his last dollars merely to four- 
flush. Well I remember how he slunk 
away when I passed the door and look- 
ed in. The I. O. U. in my pocket was 
dog-eared and worn out with age and 
hope. 

I could only see him as the chap who 
dodged his wife and three little chil- 
dren and strived to buy a flashy looking 
car for another man’s sweetheart. The 
enthusiasts around me marveled at his 
apparent manhood and Apollo-like 
physique. 

But I know his doctor and his mas- 
seur! 

And then the ingenue that he was 
fussing about in the story. Her pout- 
ing lips seemed to whisper the most 
scrumptuous nothings to the juvenile. 

How the audience could hear the deli- 
cate mutterings emanating from her 
dulcet soul ! 

But I had heard her in a chop-suey 
joint inhaling noodles and swearing 
blue streaks because there were not 
enough onions in her mess of grub! 

I have heard her lay down the law 
to a wardrobe woman. I have heard 
her curse her mother, her child and the 
scenario writer with language that 
would wither the manistavs of Inferno. 

And the villain, the “heavy” as he 
terrorizes the scene by a mere look as 
he plots and plans for the downfall of 
the toddling girl, as he schemes to 
throw father, mother and the whole 
outfit into the jaws of death, desolation 
and high rents. 

Ah, I know HIM, also. I have seen 
him step off a Hollywood car in a pour- 
ing rain and assist a crippled woman 
off the car. He wore no raincoat. He 



walked through mud and mire to help 
her and he missed the owl car and 
walked fourteen blocks through slush, 
downpour and several torrents because 
of his kindness for the lady. 

In the meantime, the hero, the hero 
ine and their ilk were gliding home in 
a waterproof limousine. 

Oh, but I am hard boiled! I have 
seen the inside! 



Richard Barthlemess, Griffith star, 
and Miss Mary Haye, a Follies girl, are 
to be married, according to reports 
from New York. Miss Haye has been 
playing opposite Mr. Barthlemess in 
“Way Down East”. And yet some 
folks don’t believe in propinquity. 

Dr. T. Floyd Brown, Plastic and 
Cosmetic Surgeon. See page 19. 




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There are no weak spots in construction to bring the MeGraw 
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1900-2 SOUTH MAIN STREET 
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 






IT— July, 1, 1920 



25 



Film Folk 



Anna Q. Nilsson, rapidly recovering 
from a minor operation performed at 
the California Hospital, rises to deny 
the rumor that she is engaged to Freddy 
Wickersham, automobile man. Merely 
friends, says Miss Nilsson, that’s all. 

* * * 

C. A. (Doc.) Willat, president of the 
Irvin Willat Pictures Corp. and gen- 
eral manager of the National Film Cor- 
poration of America (which by the way 
are more titles than the Kaiser now 
has) is in New York on a business trip. 

* * * 

Thos. H. luce has purchased the 
screen rights to “When Johnny Comes 
Marching Home Again,” by Charles 
Belmont Davis, which will be adapted 
for the second Douglas MacLean star- 
ring vehicle. 

* * * 

Fred Niblo and Enid Bennett are so- 
journing in New York, having finished 
their contracts with I nee. Mr. Niblo 
will shortly announce his new affilia- 
tions. 

* * * 

Alan Hale, who entered pictures a 
long time ago with the old Lubin Com- 
pany in Philadelphia, and later appear- 
ed in films for Lasky and Fox, has ar- 
rived in Los Angeles, following a tour 
with Louis Mann in “Friendly Ene- 
mies,” and has been cast in an import- 
ant role in Monroe Salisbury’s first 
independent feature. 

* * * 

Sessue Hayakawa is recuperating at 
San Diego, following a slight opera- 
tion. 

* * # 

Cecil B. de Mille has announced the 
name of his next big special production 
as “The Other Wife,” by Jeanie Mac- 
pherson. Work has been started with 
Ann Forrest and Forrest Stanley in the 
leading roles. To make it complete, the 
picture should be filmed among the big 
trees. 

* * * 

Bebe Daniels had to postpone start- 
ing work on her first Realart starring 
vehicle under the direction of Chester 
Franklin, owing to a slight operation 
on her face at the Methodist hospital. 
Miss Daniels had a bothersome tooth 
which infected her jaw and the inside 
of her cheek. Both are doing nicely 
now, however. 

* * * 

Stuart Holmes has been engaged by 
Metro for the heavy role in “Body and 
Soul,” Alice Lake’s latest starring vehi- 
cle. Mr. Holmes just completed his 

work in the Benny Leonard serial. 

* # ♦ 

Dr. T. Floyd Brown, Plastic and 
Cosmetic Surgeon. See page 19. 



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IT— .July 1, 1920 



Pilgrimage Play 



The Pilgrimage Play, “Life of the 
Christ” opei'ed Monday night in the 
great outdoor theatre especially built 
for it in the hills of El Camino Real 
Canyon, Hollywood, before an audi- 
ence which packed the amphitheatre to 
its capacity. 

The pageant was received in silent 
emotion by the vast throng, applause 
being the exception ; a sincere tribute to 
the artists portraying the roles. 

Lighting effects which far surpass 
anything ever before attempted added 
not a little to the charm of the presen- 
tation, giving a quality of mystery to 
the play as well as adding to the drama. 

In the cast are Henry Herbert as 
Jesus of Nazareth, Florence Stone as 
the Magdalene, Rosamonde Jovzelle as 
the Virgin Mary, H. Ellis Reed as John 
the Baptist, Phillip Ryder as Herod, 
Hal Ferner as Satan, Florence Pierce 
Reed as Martha, and many others. 

The play will be presented every 
evening for ten weeks. 



WHITEHORN WINS BET 

“Jimmy” Whitehorn, the Hollywood 
Kissel Kar kid, is having a hard time 
these days keeping up with the motion 
picture crowd's demand for his speed- 
sters. Jimmy is the gent who makes a 
statement and then proceeds to prove 
it before you can get away from him. 
On Saturday last he told a group at the 
Vitagraph lot that the Kissel could not 
be made to overheat. The response was 
a large and boisterous laugh. Jimmy 
started proving up. He took four of the 
wise lads up Cahuenga pass in second 
after first loosening the fan belt. He 
did it four times — and the radiator was 
just nice and warm — that was all. Jim- 
my won a lot of cigars and one lunch. 

* * * 

Doraldina, famous exponent of nov- 
elty dances, has arrived on the Coast to 
appear in a number of pictures for 
Metro, the dancer having recently sign- 
ed a contract calling for her to appear 
in four pictures each year for a period 
of five years. The first picture is to be 
“The Passion Fruit,” by Carey Wilson. 
Edward Sloman will direct. 

* * * 

Eddie Lowe, at one time a Morosco 
matinee idol, has returned to Los An- 
geles, after a prolonged absence in New 
York. 

* * * 

Macey Harlan has arrived from New 
York to appear in Betty Compson’s 
next production. 

* * * 




gill III! 1 1 1 1 1 1 ! 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 U 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 |j^ 

! FREDERICK BENNETT 1 



the Author of 



Depicting Life in the E 

FILM WORLD I 



An epitome of realism. 
“Mary of the Movies” is 
the story of a Maryland 
girl who comes with 
credulous blue eyes 
and a heart full of hope 
into the world of make- 
believe. 

Mary meets, and so does the reader of this book, every well known char- 
acter of the film (Los Angeles) colony and sees the shortcomings, the fal- 
lacies and the pitfalls of the film game, commercially, morally and artisti- 
cally. Later she gets a different angle of vision — she begins to do in 
Rome as the Romans, or some of them, do, and after that * * * well the 
book is a revelation, a primer in the film game, and a postgraduate course. 
Mr. Bennett is the author of numerous comedies, serials and dramas. He 
wrote the last Helen Holmes serial, the Great Radium Mystery, several of 
the latest two-reel comedies for prominent comedians. He is a graduate of 
the Fniversity of Christiania, Norway, although British by birth, and now 
an American, was a correspondent in the Boer War, is secretary of the 



“Mary 1 

of the 

Movies” 1 



A 90,000 | 

Word Novel I 



Jack Proctor and Seigmund Herzog 
have been signed to assist Eric von 
Stroheim in his special for Universal. 

* # * 

Dr. T. Floyd Brown, Plastic and 
Cosmetic Surgeon. See page 19. 



= Pyramid Society of Great Britain and Egypt and has explored the farth- = 
E est north, as well as the most remote parts of Asia, South Africa and the E 
= Polynesian Islands. = 

Vi 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 II 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 II 1 1 1 1 II 1 1 1 1 1 1 II 1 1 1 II 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 liT 



IT— July 1, 1920 



27 



Special Summer Rates to 
the Photoplay Profession 



JgEGINNING July 1, and for 30 days thereafter, we will 
make the following reductions in our rates to all bona fide 
members of the Motion Picture Profession: 



8 by 10 Portraits, printed on Arturo 
paper, the highest quality of paper 
known. Regular Price, $45 
Special Price for 10 days, per 100, $35 



500, 8 by 

Azo paper 



10 Portraits, printed on 

$165 



Why waste a half day in doing what can be done in half 
an hour? Why go down town when you can run over to the 
Boulevard and obtain the highest class Photography in the City 
in practically no time and with half the trouble? 



6040 

Holly wood 
Boulevard 







28 



IT— July 1, 1920 



More Pay 0. K’d. 



Motion picture studio owners and 
executives are manifesting a keen in- 
terest in the new budget for the Los 
Angeles fire department, which is now 
under consideration by the Budget 
Committee of the city council. 

With millions of dollars invested in 
property of the most inflammable de- 
scription, this is the one department 
of the city government that the picture 
people must depend upon for service of 
the highest quality and efficiency, said 
a prominent picture producer. 

‘‘The fact that the Fire Chief of Los 
Angeles, now the tenth city in the 
United States, with a population verg- 
ing on a million, is receiving the pay 
of a first class clerk, is hardly a credit 
to any of us. The picture interests are 
going to insist that Chief Scott receive 
at least as much as such cities as De- 
troit and Cleveland and Newark, N. J., 
to say nothing of San Francisco, pay to 
their chief.” 

The chief of the San Francisco fire 
department receives $5,000 a year. Los 
Angeles pays its chief $300 a month, 
just $3,000 per year, a man responsible 
for the safety of a territory larger than 
that of any other cities in the United 
States. 

The recent earth tremors in and 
around Los Angeles have awakened re- 
newed interest in this subject and the 
picture men are watching for the bud- 
get committee’s report with unusual in- 
terest. The talk among the studio men 
centers on the fact that San Francisco’s 
great disaster was due to the fire that 
followed the great quake and the lack 
of proper fire protection. They insist 
that it is almost ridiculous to depend 
on a fire department headed by an un- 
derpaid department head. 

Tt is said that a letter to this purport 
will be sent to the budget committee. 



Tom Gallery, son of police captain 
Gallery of Chicago, who came out to 
Los Angeles on a visit, and in a short 
time found himself working as leading 
man for Zazu Pitts, followed by en- 
gagements with “Micky” Neilan, and 
Viola Dana, went back home on a visit, 
and arrived in Chicago just in time for 
the race riots, which are held annually 
in that city. 

* * * 

Jane Novak has asked the court to 
grant her a divorce from her husband, 
Frank A. Newburg, an actor, on the 
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1 T—July 1, 1920 



29 




(Continued from Page 14) 

ped because she believed he was dead. 
And they spent the two happiest weeks 
of their lives there on the Rancho de 
Bandini. 

And then Murray modestly explained 
of the bank presidency that had been 
offered him, and his mother was proud 
and overjoyed to think that her son — 
HER son — had, unaided and handicap- 
ped as he was, within the space of two 
years developed into a business man of 
wonderful ability. 

Later, though Murray did not exactly 
so state, Mrs. Hill learned that there 
was a girl up there in Los Angeles 
whom her son loved, and her heart ach- 
ed because of his hopelessness. 

“Murray,” she said a few days later, 
“you must go to Los Angeles and ac- 
cept that position. They want you and 
I want to see you at the head of so 
great an institution.” 

“But you will accompany me?” he in- 
quired. “I want you, mother, with me al- 
ways — always.” 

And Mrs. Hill agreed to go with him. So, 
taking documentary proof of his birth, they 
were driven over to Yucapi the following 
day and that night they reached Los An- 
geles, where they went to a hotel. 

From his room Murray telephoned Judge 
Bramwell at his home. Briefly he explained 
his good fortune in finding his mother, and 
the judge was overjoyed to learn that his 
protege was now able to take charge of the 
bank affairs, and also because of the boy’s 
apparent happiness. 

“Bring your mother and come right down,” 
said the judge. “What do you mean by 
staying at a hotel when you have a per- 
fectly good home?” 

Murray hesitated, and then replied: 

“Well, mother wanted to make a few pur- 
chases and sort of fix up before calling 
on you, but we’ll be down tomorrow.” 

Then, as he started to hang up the re- 
ceiver, Murray heard the judge say: 

“Here, hold on, wait a minute,” and Mur- 
ray again placed the receiver to his ear and 
the voice he knew and loved so well came 
softly to him. 

“Hello, Nibbs; shame on you for not ask- 
ing for me,” was what he heard, and his 
heart gave a great throb, and he knew he 
was blushing like a 16-year-old girl. 

“I wanted to ask about you — and for you— 
and of you,” Murray replied, boldly, dog- 
gedly, shamelessly. 

Then he stopped, fearful at what he had 
said. 

“Well, then, why don’t you?” came Shirley 
Bramwell’s, voice and Murray was thrilled. 

“Come down,” the girl went on. “I have 
oceans of things to say to you — besides beg- 
ging your forgiveness.” 

“You never did nor never will be able to 
say or do anything for which you should 
ask forgiveness from anyone, especially me, 
and say, Shir — er — Miss Bramwell,” he 
broke off, “I’ve got a name, now!” 

He said this exultingly, proudly, like a 
child speaking of his toys. 

“Yes, so father said; and Nibbs, I’m sorry 
I said mean things about you, and I’ve want- 
ed a hundred times to tell you how grateful 
I — we, all are — for the splendid things you 
have done, and that I — we all — think every- 
thing of you.” 

“Do you mean it — that last part?” Murray 
was perspiring; he was excited; he was 
nervous. 



“Of course, I — we — er — Oh, come down, 
won’t you?” 

“Will I?— in ten minutes!” 

Bursting into his mother’s room, Murray 
tremblingly explained that they must go at 
once to the Bramwell home. It was ex- 
tremely urgent, he said. 

And Mrs. Hill, having previously suspect- 
ed that her son had found the Girl, smiled 
knowingly, and prepared to accompany him. 

CHAPTER XIV 

Murray led his mother almost on a run 
to the Bramwell home. Arriving there, he 
introduced her to the members of the fam- 
ily, who immediately fell in love with her 
for what she was, and when Murray took 
the hand of Shirley and squeezed harder 
than he suspected, the girl blushed prettily. 
The judge noted it and smiled to himself, 
then he said: 

“Shirley, I hate to spoil your first meeting 
with Mrs. Hill, but it will take you but a 
few minutes to go up to my office and get 
a document which you will find lying on 
the table. Here’s the key, and — er — Nibbs 
might be induced to go along — ” 

He didn’t complete the sentence. They 
were aready starting, and the judge smiled 
again to himself and said: 

"I’m still a pretty shrewd old lawyer, at 
that.” 

Then he and Mrs. Bramwell proceeded to 
entertain their guest — Murray’s mother — and 
the hours went by. One — two — three — and 
yet Shirley and Murray had failed to return 
from their errand. 

At last the judge spoke about it in a serio- 
comic vein. 

“I don’t like to say anything against your 
son, Mrs. Hill, but it seems to me he is over- 
stepping the bounds of hospitality by re- 
maining away so long. I sent him on an 
errand that would ordinarily take five min- 
utes of his time.” 

Then he looked at his watch. 

“It has just been three hours and nine- 
teen minutes since he and my daughter 
passed through that door.” 

Then noticing the half puzzled expressions 
on the faces of the two women, he chuckled. 
“Well,” he said, “I guess I’ll go find ’em.” 
And he went out. 

On the front porch they sat, in a dark- 
ened cozy corner. They were very close to- 
gether, the judge noted, and unless his eye- 
sight was becoming defective, his daughter’s 
head was on his protege’s shoulder. 

“Hm!” he said. His daughter heard and 
moved. “Shirley,” spoke the judge. 

“Yes, father,” replied the girl; “here I 
am.” 

“That’s what I thought,” said the judge. 
“Did you — er — get the document?” 
“Document? What document? I thought 
you sent us after a book!” 

The judge chuckled again. 

“We’ll go right after it,” said Murray, 
both of them rising. “You see, we — we — 



wexe resting a few minutes and — ” 

“Well, never mind,” said the judge; 
“there iq. no document to get. Do you think 
I’d leave my papers lying loosely around 
the office?” 

Then he went in the house, and as he 
glanced back he saw his daughter’s golden 
head again seek its resting place on a manly 
shoulder, and he softly closed the door, and 
still chuckling, joined his wife and Mrs. 
Hill. 

THE END 



Rosemary Theby has returned from 
a trip to New York and has been en- 
gaged by Louis Gasnier to play opposite 
Otis Skinner in Kismet, which will go 
into production the first week in July 

at the Haworth studios. 

* * * 

Nicholas Dunaew has been engaged 
by Louis Gasnier for a big supporting 
role in Kismet. 



Dr. T. Floyd Brown, Plastic and 
Cosmetic Surgeon. See page 19. 



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IT— July 1, 1920 



Dressing Room 



Continued from Page 12 

colored taffeta hat set it off to perfec- 
tion. 

You know how it is with a black 
sequin evening gown — no woman can 
resist one — and Miss Owen is no excep- 
tion — for, as she says, she ‘‘fell with a 
terrible thud of the purse” for a mag- 
nificent creation which has for its only 
adornment a gorgeous American Beauty 
sash which is fastened with a huge 
knot at the side and lias fringe on each 
end of the heavy ribbon. It is a sil- 
houette without sleeves and cut ex- 
tremely decollette. 

A pink Georgette crepe frock in- 
tigued me because of its simplicity and 
grace. It was trimmed in bandings of 
Cluney lace and tiny French flowers 
of shell pink and lilac. It was French 
from its Cluney collar to its short full 
skirt — even though it was made at 
home. With it Miss Owen wears a 
wide taffeta hat of lilac color trimmed 
with blue and silver ribbon. 

“Here is one of my pets,” she sud- 
denly exclaimed as she brought forth a 
gorgeous black velvet evening cape 
trimmed with a huge white monkey-fur 
collar and with a wide band of the same 
fur around the bottom. 

‘•With the exception of my riding 
togs, this and my organdie dress com- 
prise my only weaknesses at present 
in the matter of wardrobe. 1 suppose 
it is impossible for any woman not to 
be keen about some of her own or some 
other girl's clothes. Eve started us — 
and nothing can stop us unless it be- 
comes the fashion not to wear any.” 

While in New York, Miss Owen 
bought an exclusive model in a grey 
duvetine street costume with deep col- 
lar and cuffs of silver fox fur. She had 
intended to surprise her friends with it, 
but unfortunately the director of the 
picture in which she was working with 
Owen Moore saw it first and exclaimed : 
•That’s the suit for the picture!” 

That seemed reasonable enough until 
Miss Owen discovered that she wore 
the costume in every single scene with- 
out a change. That settled the tailleur 
for her — she became so tired of it that 
she finally had it made over, which she 
now considers an extravagance, as she 
says it is psychologically done for. 

I inquired which shops were her fa- 
vorites in Los Angeles and she said the 
western junk shop on Third came first, 
then for materials she liked Robinson’s, 
furs and coats Myer Siegel & Co., and 
Chappel for hats. 

“If I have my way my next picture 
is going to introduce a real western 
girl — one who does not languish when 
trouble hits her, but who bucks up and 
thinks of something to do,” she ex- 
claimed, as she flung everything in tf 



heap on the bed and we started down- 
stairs. 

Her fans (myself included) enjoy 
seeing her languish and weep on the 
screen, even if her heart isn’t in her 
work and, as she looks charming in her 
“society” clothes, we have hopes of see- 
ing her wear many more of them, al- 
though she is determined on the “west- 
ern stuff”. 



Marion Davies, Hearst star, has ar- 
rived in Los Angeles to appear in 
“Buried Treasure,” which will be filmed 
at the Brunton studios by the Interna- 
tional Film Company. 



HOPKINS 



D. N. Schwab, president of the I). N. 
Schwab Productions, wires from New 
York that he has disposed of Dave 
Butler’s initial story, “Sitting on the 
World” to First National. After the 
completion of Mr. Butler’s present 
story he will go to New York to arrange 
for a permanent release. He is being 

directed by his father, Fred J. Butler. 

* # # 

Lillian Jeffries, a niece of the famous 
James J., former heavyweight cham- 
pion, is gradually fighting her way to 
the top in screen circles. She has been 
engaged to support Wallace Reid in 
“The Charm School”. 



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IT— July 15, 1920 



Publication office: 203-4-5-6-7-8 Thorpe Bldg. 
132 North Broadway 

Telephone: Pico 3404. ...Los Angeles, California 

Edward Roberts Publisher 

Miles Overholt Editor 

Don Lincoln Business Manager 

Entered at the postoffice at Los Angeles, Cali- 
fornia, as second-class matter. Otherwise, it 
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Single Copies Ten Cents 

By the year Two-fifty 

Six months One-fifty 

Issued on the First and Fifteenth of every 
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The entire contents of this magazine copy- 
righted by the It Publishing Co. 



•July 15, 1920 



CALIFORNIA’S JOURNAL OF JOY 



No. 14, Yol. II 



uwtHn man 



Fat Bellied Intemperance! 

To the Publisher of IT : 

I have been reading your editorials for a long time. One in particular , which 
appeared a few issues ago — in which you accused the church of making a hobby of pro- 
hibition — has made you many friends here. 

To me that article made a special appeal because my husband is a churchman and 
a prohibitionist — my father and brother have both been drinking men all their lives — 
yet they have never caused one-tenth the misery my husband has by his intemperate 
eating. For two years I had to work to support three children because he had rheu- 
matism caused, the doctor said, because he would not curb his appetite. * * * ] te was 
too fat and unhealthy to get into the army. 

/ am trying to get him to read your editorials. 

Sincerely, 

MBS. EVA BURTON, 

1323 Harden Avenue, 

Tuscan, Ariz. 



You are right— gluttony is gluttony! 

Intemperance is intemperance! 

Church ianitv may foster your over-fed pro- 
hibition husband — 

CHRISTIANITY DOES NOT! 

The gospels command temperance — they draw 
no line between gluttony and guzzling — 

Scripture contains no heavenly dispensation 
for the fat-bellied teetotaler — 

You say your father and brother were drink- 
ing men — 

Yet they have not caused you one-half the 
grief that your overeating prohibiton helpmate 
has — 

Which proves that your prohibition husband 
is far more intemperate than your drinking father 
and brother — 

It was a drinking army that fought its way 
from Flanders to Sedan — 

Not an army of drunkards— not an intemper- 
ate army — but an army of red-blooded freemen 
who carried the guidon of personal liberty to 
victory — 

The only part of that army that was dry was 
the Y. M. C. A — 

In the light of the contemptible record made 
by that organization it becomes easy to under- 



stand the distinction you draw between your hus- 
band and your father and brother — 

And it also becomes easy to understand wliat 
lay in the heart of Lincoln when he told the 
maligners of Grant who accused the great Civil 
War commander of being a drunkard that they 
had better find out what brand Grant drank and 
furnish it to some, of the other generals — 

The proof that your father and brother are 
not half as intemperate as your “dry” husband 
lies in the fact that they didn't care enough about 
their liquor to walk to the polls to protect their 
right to have it — 

As was the case with thousands of other so- 
called drinking men — 

Let someone try to pass a law curtailing the 
food supply of your gluttonous husband — 

You would probably find him shouting his 
indignation from the housetops— 

You say he was too fat and unfit to pass his 
medical examination to go to France — 

There were thousands like him who voted the 
prohibition ticket — 

And they made up a great part of the army 
that stayed at home to make it dry while their 
so-called “intemperate” brothers were dying bullet 
riddled! Yours, 

EDWARD ROBERTS, Publisher. 




IT— July 15, 1920 



5 





When life grows rather stale and crude I like to seek the 
solitude 

Of painted hills and shady dells away from haunts of 
men; 

’ Tis then I take a soothing stroll on paths where silence grips 
the soul , 

And dream a dream of nothingness beside a fairy fen. 

I like to take a little fling at Wanderlust and Wandering 

Adowh the glades of Lotusland and up the Aisles of Rest; 

And then-beside a purling stream 1 sit alone and hope and 
dream 

And wonder why the birds and bees are always full of zest. 

A peacef ul calm envelopes me among the hillocks wild and f ree 

Amici the vales of Pleasant Thoughts entwined around 
the scene; 

The grateful hum of Nature's song upon the zephyrs waft 
along 

And I am lulled to street repose upon a couch of green. 

I 

I The flowered days of summertime are made of Harmony and 
Rhyme — 

The cadence of a threnody — the bells of old Lapaz; 

’ Tis then 1 seek the scented wold and watch the poetry unfold 

Upon the sheen of Nature’s screen — and get away from 
jazz! 



A Little o’ This 



Some peaches are clings, while others 
take a chance. 

* * * 

William Tell teas the first man to 
pat the bif/gest apple at the top ! 

* * * 

They wanted a crowing cock — instead 
of the donkey — as the Democratic 
emblem. So they nominated Cox ! 

* * * 

Pancho is not the only Villa in the 
bandit business. Did you every try to 
rent one? 

* * * 

Burbank has crossed two varieties of 
spuds to increase the size. Which 
probably brought about the cross-eyed 
potato! 

* * * 

“Necks!” Yiped the barber. But 
nobody stirred. They aren't shaving 
'em non:. 

* * * 

The Poles, as noted by the daily 
press, are having a close shave. Mebbe 
— and this is only by way of surmise — 
mebbe they’re barber Poles ! 

* * * 

This idea of having elevator starters 
scans to be a sheer waste. Why doesn't 
Ford or somebody invent a self-starting 
elevator? 

* * * 

Chapter I. Man famishing on the 
desert. A few drops of water would 
save his life. Chapter 2. He thought 
of fried chicken. Chapter 3. It made 
his mouth water. The end. 

* * * 

If, as they say, the wish is father to 
the thought, a day dream is probably 

a poor relation! 

* * * 

The daylight-saving fiends don’t 
want to take time by the forelock — they 
want to lead him along by a rope ! 

* * * 

“From whom did you learn corn 
doctoring?” they asked the Hebrew foot 
surgeon. “From my fodder ,” he said, 
plaintively. 

* * * 

When the Board of Medical Exam- 
iners holds a session, the quack doctor 
ducks ! 

* * * 

If Hell is paved with good intentions 
they’ve got a lot better roads down 
there than we have, ours being paved 
with bad intentions most unanimously. 



The latest fad for women in Paris is 
to paint the knees. They’re painting 
the joints in Tia Juana, too! 

■* * •* 

Don't envy the goldfish — he hasn't 
got a scent! 

tfr. * * 

A secret may be told to you 
That isn’t worth a jottle; 

But keep it! Take a homely tip: 
Become a thermos bottle ! 

* * * 

With all the tightwads about you'd 
think that occasionally the middleman 
would get squeezed! 

* * * 

The trouble with the telephone serv- 
ice seems to be in the switch board. 
It makes it so easy for the operators to 
switch us onto the wrong number. 

* * * 

Chambermaid went blind. A psy- 
chologist fitted her eyes with a pair of 
keyhole glasses and now she is back at 
work ! 



What is sauce for the goose is dys- 
pepsia for the gander! 

* * * 

It is a far cry from sackcloth to 
sables — but many a woman has cried 
that far! 

* * * 

Many a chicken’s wishbone has made 
her wish come true ! 

# Jfc # 

Lack of fine foods do not worry the 
landscape artist. He can tickle his own 
palette! 

* # * 

Quench the thirst of deserts 
And they’ll blossom like the rose ; 

Quench the thirst of man and he 
Will blossom at the nose ! 

* * * 

Tough luck — getting a cafeteria 
steak ! 

* * * 

Wooden-legged man bet his artificial 
limb on McAdoo. The winner took the 
stamp for Cox ! 




6 



IT— July 15 , 11)20 




Summer Love Song 



Dew lace is gleaming : 
Fairies have spun; 

Tryst trails are beaming, 
Sweet in the sun. 

You and I 
In J uly 

Wander on together; 

Glad are we 
For the free 
IS u in in e r- tin ted irea ther 

Warm breezes teeming: 
Breath of the south ; 

Like roses, dreaming, 

Kiss of your mouth. 

With the years. 

Come the tears. 

Gone the surging passions; 
But the moon above , 

With a love 

Summer hearts can fashion! 



Fortune docs more than smile on 
some of us — she gives us the ha-ha. 

* * * 

The chief crop of the state of Ohio 
seems to be presidents. 

* * # 

Cold baths and grand opera are both 
splendid if you can get used to them. 

* * * 

President Wilson may have made the 
world safe for democracy but it’s doubt- 
ful whether he's made it safe for the 
Democrats. 

* * * 

What boots it if shoes are twenty -five 
dollars a pair? In this day and age, 
it’s a job to keep sole and upper to- 
gether! 

* * * 

The best indication of the popularity 
of the Ford automobile is the fact that 
the distributors sell so many of them 
that they can afford to ride around in 
a regular car. 

* * * 

Young Miss (from the country) : 
“What is that queer looking thing on 
the front lawn ?” 

Auntie: “Why, that’s the garden 

hose.” 

Young Miss: “Do tell! What funny 
looking legs your garden must have!” 

* * * 

It seems to drive ’em crazy, 

Puts ’em in a nutty fix, 

When a group of men are bitten 
By a flock of polly ticks ! 



* — — * 

I j 

Two Women j 

l • I 

1 One took life 

J Like a racing mare: ? 

] Head up-flung, step high, 
j A bit of blood in the eye, 

] Impatient of ropes, 
j Scenting victory 
s With eager nostrils, 

! Descendant of blue'ribbon stock, | 

I The Heaven-born ! 

] The other took life 1 

f Like a sorry nag: I 

j Neck patient for the yoke, 

■ Eyes dulled by dust, 

1 Ears limpy listless, 

I Content to plod 

j Day following day, | 

Daughter of a dreary line — * 

j The burden bearers of the ages ! ! 

+" — *■ — “ — * n — •" — — “■ — ” — «" — <» — — ii + 

MISTAKEN 

One of the foremost psyc-analvsts in 
the country says concerning the mov- 
ies: If intellectual laziness were not 

so universal, the moving picture busi- 
ness would not have grown to such 
enormous proportions. The scenarios 
are written with a view to supplying 
for everybody the fulfilment of their 
most extravagant wishes. 

Our friend the psychiatrist has gone 
far astray this time. We know a whole 
group of men w hose “extravagant 
wishes” are not fulfilled by the scenar- 
ios — we mean the writers of ’em. 

* * * 

If some of our speakers were fitted 
with Maxim silencers, they’d make a 
better hit with the public. 

* * * 

You can always tell a movie director 
— but you can’t tell him much. 

# * * 

Little Fellow: Why does the soprano 
close her eyes when she sings? 

Big Brother: Ah, she’s got a tender 
heart and doesn't want to see the pain 
we get when she strikes high C! 

* * * 

It must be mortifying to be press 
agent for an embalmer. 

* * m 

Philosophy is a wonderf ul institution 
—it enables philosophers to be happy 
on the pittance that they receive for 
philosophizing. 

* * * 

The biggest figure is our divorce 
courts still continues to be the triangle. 



Mothers 



There are mothers with light hair, 

And mothers with brown hair. 

(All mothers have eyes shining fair!) 

There are mothers to suit for the heart 
of each one 

Who has lived since the rise of the very 
first sun. 

But these dear human mothers have 
made us forget 

The two greatest mothers that we’ll 
ever get : 

Mother Life is the first for she gave us 
her breath 

And the name of the second, great 
mother is Death! 

The mothers that you love and I love, 
it seems, 

Are symbols of these that we’ve woven 
of dreams. 

(But very dear symbols we weave into 
dreams !) 

Life wakes us and teaches us how we 
may creep, 

But Death folds us close when it puts 
us to sleep. 

Mother, Life is the first for she gave us 
her breath, 

But the name of the second great 
mother is Death! 



Heavy smokers are in favor of the re- 
turn of alcohol. It makes a cigar 

lighter! 

* * * 

Roses are red, 

Violets are blue; 

Good beer is scarce, 

But not home brew. 

* * * 

Our rents fall due in the same old 

way. 

* * * 

And the first frog said: “Lord, how 
you made me jump!” 

* * * 

The tree reaching imploring arms 
heavenward docs not know that it is a 
living prayer to God. 

* * * 

Maybe we could still live as cheaply 
as the grandparents did — if we were 
willing to live the way they did. 

# # # 

A local minister sprang a good one 
at morning service last Sabbath: “The 
way things matrimonial are going in 
Los Angeles, it might simplify matters 
to attach a divorce coupon to the mar- 
riage certificate.” 




IT— July 15, 1920 



7 



Airing a Grouch By FredeHck Bennett 



“Why don’t you fire incompetent 
help?” is often asked by customers who 
approach them — or, reproach them. 

What is the answer? 

I set out to see what could be en- 
countered between sunrise and sunset 
in the way of absolute incompetence, 
indifference and insult from those who 
are hired to render service. 

To calm my mind I naturally sought 
a good cigar, one of the kind that crack- 
les cosily when it reaches the “snipe” 
stage. 

“Them’s swell smokes,” said the clerk 
at the nearest store. “I smoke ’em my- 
self.” 

With such a recommendation, how 
could I resist? But I did, and took 
two of some he declared to be the worst 
sellers. I found them “less worse” 
than any I had smoked for some time. 

This clerk reminded me of a tailor 
on Broadway who told me that I ought 
to choose a certain pattern because he 
“was having a suit of that same stuff 
made up for himself! It was exclu- 
sive !” 

I had to send a telegram. As usual 
the phone was hors de combat. T want- 
ed to know if there were some code — 
some single code word — one could add 
to a message that would make the mes- 
senger leave it underneath the ad- 
dressee’s door in case no one was at 
home. 

“Sure, put in the address,” said the 
girl, without looking up. 

I did. And then she wanted to 
charge for fifteen words instead of ten. 

I tore up the telegram and thought 
of a special delivery letter. Then I re- 
called how a little elusive paper slip is 
left at the house of the absent ad- 
dressee with a hieroglyphic request to 
call at some obscure sub-station that 
closes after a certain hour. 

Neither the great telegraph system 
nor the postoffice has thought of a 
single code word that will waive receipt 
so that a missive will not be hopelessly 
delayed when the sender is in a rush. 
The receipt seems to be the essential 
with the companies, while expedition 
is the purpose of the senders. 

Finally I concluded that I could do 
better by walking to the house myself 
and pushing the note under the door. 

Marvelling at the awkwardness of 
things, I decided that T would have a 
cup of black tea in a hurry. I don’t 
drink ice water with tea; I don't use 
knife of fork with tea, and the paper 
napkin was not so essential. 

Still all of those articles were in- 
stalled one by one before me bv a lan- 
guid waitress and then came the tea. 
Why not the tea first, as it needs time 
to draw ? • ' ‘ * •" 



I had to wait until it drew. Then — 
it was green tea ! 

I told the waitress. 

“Nobody around here drinks nothin’ 
but green,” she said. “I use green, my- 
self !” 

•j*" — “ — ■■ — '» — “ — "■ — ■■ — — ■« — "" — ” — "* — ■■ — ■+ 

Also there is the cafeteria 
disher-up who sneezes into the 
napkin she uses to wipe the plate 
she hands you. 

And the germ-infested fruit 
vendor who handles his wares 
lovingly during his spare mo- 
ments. 

And the saleslady who sneers j 
at you when you ask for some- j 
thing a little cheaper. i 

And the office boy who reaches 
out a dirty paw for your card and 
makes of it a grimy introduction 
when it is handed to his boss. 

And I could think of a hundred 
others if I was getting paid for it j 
like you. : 

— The Printer Who Set this Type, i 

+ 4 

I staggered out. I could not help re- 
calling two sisters who operate a 
“quaint” restaurant in the film belt of 
Hollywood. The place is choked with 
blue China cats and yellow thingum- 
bobs with pink whatvoumaycallem’s, 
and the darling little bills of fare with 
large prices are adorned with daffodils 
and for-get-me-nottuses. Pink automo- 
biles with purple wheels stand outside 
in line and the patrons feel that every- 
thing is artistic, although it would 
make any true artist sick below the 
diaphragm. 

A dash of this and a spray of that 
constituted my dinner, when it finally 
arrived from the kitchen. I inquired 
for a potato. 

“Well, you see, sir,” said one of the 
culinary twins, “my sister and me don’t 
like potatoes, so we don’t serve ’em. 
But if you will let us know when von 
are coming, we will have a potato for 
you.” 

A woman who looked as if she had 
been fed on birdseed came out behind 
me with a look of satisfaction, but her 
175-pound husband looked as if he 
could devour a whole cafeteria for des- 
sert. 

Then I ambled along and thought of 
the laundries that button the second 
button from the shirt’s neckband — the 
only one that aman wants tounbutton; 
the waiter who takes away the menu to 
prevent you from ordering anything 
more; the .cleaner who forgets the 
stump of an. indelible pencil in the coat 



pocket of a light gray suit; the drug- 
store where you buy your checks in ad- 
vance, which forces you to decide 
what you want before you see it; 
the pastry shop that expects you to 
know the name of Napoleons, prune 
tarts, strawberry diddledums, or what- 
ever the things are and sit in the booth 
and describe to the waitress what it is 
you want. 

My head swam and I perspired. I 
already had worn out one handkerchief 
and went into a store to buy another. 

“I have some of the best linens, some 
of the sealed ones, and I have — ” began 
the effeminite clerk. 

I fled in terror. I have never as yet 
met a haberdasher’s clerk who would 
tell me what the firm or the institution 
or the store has for sale. It is “I have” 
this and “I have” that. He owns the 
durned place individually, although 1 
recall how he tried to work as an at- 
mospheric extra a few days before. 

A cold drink might do me good and l 
walked up meekly to the edge of an 
affectionately-sticky soda fountain. 
But there sat two pretty men with 
belted coats, culry hair and a touch of 
makeup. The soda squirtress was to- 
tally lost. She wasn’t there ! She was 
in dreamland and I waited for her to 
come to. She mechanically pushed my 
elbow off the counter with a sticky rag 
and a waft of its stale and conglomer- 
ate flavor struck me. She pretended 
she was wiping the counter, but she was 
really spreading on the sticky stuff a 
little more evenly and stickily. 

“Did you want something?” she in- 
quired after a long while and after she 
made certain it was at Solomon’s in- 
stead of the Dome that she was to meet 
the “guys” that night. 

“No,” I muttered. “I don’t know 
now what I came in for.” 

Then at Westlake Park where I sat 
down to gasp, I saw three motorcycle 
messenger boys with “rush” packages 
and message. 

I wandered out and came back to the 
same point an hour later during which 
pilgrimage I had encountered a few 
other atrocities. It was almost dusk. 
The “rush” boys and their packages 
were still tliex*e, and they evinced no 
signs of moving, to sav nothing about 
RUSHING! 

But I accomplished something later. 
I talked to the druggist who employed 
the girl at the soda fountain and he 
answered the question I asked at the 
beginning of this wail. 

“If I fire the girl,” he said, sadly, 
“the next one — the chances are — would 
be a heluva lot worse. They most al- 
ways are!” 



8 



JT—July 15, 1920 



Deep Stuff By Ben E. Dix 



THE TARANTULA 

The taratula, I suppose, is one of the 
most difficult animals to domesticate 
there are. A man might break a rattle- 
snake to harness and make a fair suc- 
cess of it. or he might teach a stinging 
scorpion to stand on its hind legs and 
beg for bread ; but the tarantula is too 
nervous and high-strung for that sort 
of business. I have never yet seen a 
man leading a tarantula around by a 
string. A tarantula lives in a hole in 
the ground in the summer and in silence 
in the winter time. It is the color of a 
chew of tobacco and its bite is worse 
than its bark. I don't know of any- 
thing that is fataler than the bite Of a 
tarantula, unless it is a bite of cyanide 
of potassium. 



GARDENING 

Gardening was invented by the an- 
cients as a mode of punishment to take 
the place of the rack; which the author- 
ities discontinued as too nerve racking. 

A garden is a plot of ground covered 
with weeds and a disgusted onion bed. 
It also carries a concealed weapon in 
the form of wind, which remains in 
hiding until the new seed are put to 
bed and otherwise made comfortable. 
Then it comes out and blows the seed 
into range 12, section 4, township 5, 
west of N. E. meridian. 

If a few seeds by some chance are 
too deep for the wind to frolic with, 
the neighbors’ chickens stay up nights 
and gather them to their bosoms. 

When the first dandelions begin to 
sprout the man with the hoe dons his 
other suit and laborously hoes them 
and gently nurses them, the while he 
catches rheumatism, cold, malaria, hay 
fever, lame back, corns, sunburns and 
the pip. Then he invites his friends to 
come out and look at his niee fresh 
radishes and pumpkins and dewdads 
and lettuce and dingbats and potatoes 
and so on and so forth dal segno al 
trio. 

lie works in the garden every moment 
of his spare time until the dandelions 
and other crops are ripe. Then he looks 
upon the garden, goes into the house, 
changes his clothes, slaps his wife in an 
absent-minded maner and hires a China- 
man to plant his ex-garden to lawn. 



“Th’ paper sez,” said Silas Brown, 
“That Ormer Locklear come to town, 
An’ sailed his airplane aroun’ — 

With his French aviator.” 

“Thet makes me think,” said Martha 
then, 

“What Avy done with thet ol’ hen, 
Since she’s gone from th’ chicken pen; 
I guess our Avy ate ’er.” 



THE POCKET DICTIONARY 

To the man who rises to remark that 
all our troubles are but figments of the 
brain and that nothing is really bad, 
I would submit a vest pocket dictionary. 
If he does not know the meaning of such 
words as cow, hen, father, dog or hay he 
will continue his remarks. But if he 
really thirsts for knowledge and fondly 
imagines he will get it by perusing the 
little pocket mind destroyer, he will die 
a drunkard and an outcast. 



I used to have a friend by the name 
of Yeer, but I lost him. He asked me 
to name his first child. I called it 
“January,” because it was the first of 
the Yeer. Now old man Yeer refuses 
to speak to me because I didn’t name 
the child “December.” 



A MELLOW DRAMA 

“Have you no sole? 

The speaker, clad in clerical garb, 
gazed into the eyes of the young lady 
opposite She bowed her head as if 
to hide her shame. Outside the noise 
of the buyer and seller in the busy mart 
went on unmindful of what was taking 
place inside those doors. Once more 
fhe clerical gentleman was speaking. 

“I say, have you no sole?” 

“No,” came the low, tremulous an- 
swer. 

“Well, then, bring me some salmon.” 



AT THE VILLAGE POSTOFFICE. 

I wandered to the village Tom, the 
place where we were boys. 

About a hundred years ago, when we 
made all the noise. 

That ever happened in the town. I 
saw Postmaster Jones, 

I saw the people call for mail; the same 
uncertain tones 

Were still in vogue, the same old crowd 
asked for their mail, you know. 

Who never got a letter since a hundred 
years ago. 

Though I have cut but little ice upon 
the road to fame, 

One time a bad check gentleman took 
pains to forge my name. 



SHINE ’EM UP! 

If there is one thing that disturbs my 
equanimity and causes me to be sorry 
I got up feeling fine — if there is one 
word that can turn me from a sweet- 
dispositioned person into a pessimist 
and a grouch and a disturber of the 
peace of the commonwealth, it is the 
Greek or the Negro shoe shiner. 

I don’t care if my shoes DO need pol- 
ishing — though it makes no difference 
1o the lowly shiner — I don’t want him 
to yell out so the world can hear as 
he iooks sadly at my shoes: “Shine!” 

I don’t like it, I say. To me it is an 
insult and there ought to be an ordi- 
nance against the practice. 

1 have frequently had a perfectly 
rood shine and I have walked down the 
street possibly a block — mebbe two — 
and at once and immediately one of 
these shiner hoys will take a look at my 
shoes, shake his head in a sort of a 
resigned manner and yelp wildly: 
“Shine!” 

And then, of course, everybody stops 
to look at my shoes. At least, that is 
the way it seems to me. I know I often 
sneak a glance at the other fellow’s 
shoes when I hear one of these street 
insulters bawl “Shine!” at him. 

The point is: They yelp regardless. 

If a man has a shine they holler any- 
way. It sort of makes one think that 
(Continued on Page 22) 




It’s all in the spell- 
ing — If they say, "How's 
your dog?" you say, 
"Fine." If they say, 
"House your dog," you 
say, "Sure." Anyhow, 
the scions of our front 
families are daily 
"parking their dogs" in 
WOOLF & BEAN'S HOTEL 
ALEXANDRIA SHOP and put- 
ting their classic brows 
under the cooling influ- 
ence of a WOOLF & BEAN 
STRAW HAT. Speaking of 
canines, they say that 
the wearers of said 
STRAWS can "put on the 
dog" and get away with 
it ! 




Bean. 

214 WEST 
FIFTH 
In the Alexandra